Glossophobia is the technical name for having a fear of public speaking. This fear can crop up when you need to give a speech or a verbal presentation. Or it could jump into action when you’re performing.

While many state that people’s biggest fear is public speaking, that isn’t entirely accurate. Many other things top the list of things people fear. However, a fear of public speaking can send some into a panic and around 25% of people have experienced it at some point.

The Problem with Fear of Public Speaking

Some individuals have a serious form of glossophobia but even those who have a mild case can experience frustrating and anxiety-inducing results. When you’re scared of public speaking, you might not share solutions to problems affecting others, speak about your work, or share your ideas.

All these things can affect your professional and personal life and determine the impact you have on others. However, bad experiences often make people less likely to speak publicly in the future because of the perceived risk.

Reasons People Fear Public Speaking

The idea that you might give a bad speech isn’t related to fear of public speaking so much as how you feel, act, and think when faced with the need to speak in front of others. There are several reasons that people become scared when required to speak in public. We’ll explore each of them below.

Physiology

When the body feels threat, the nervous system kicks into high gear. Anxiety and fear can both provoke this response. Human bodies prepare for a fight when it feels as if a threat is present. This leads to a quick movement to fear and can make it challenging to speak in front of people. This may lead some to avoid situations where public speaking may be required.

Situations

Some people often feel anxious while others are okay with public speaking in most cases. However, the situation will factor into how stressed-out people feel in terms of specific public speaking situations. Everything from a lack of experience to the feeling an audience is evaluating your performance can create extra fear.

Skills

The degree of skill you have in public speaking is also important to consider. Those who think they’re good speakers may choose to practice and work on those skills. No matter what approach they take, it increases competence and skill around speaking in public.

Thoughts

The ideas you hold about public speaking and yourself as a speaker can impact your fear of standing in front of people with a presentation. Overestimating the stakes of a speech can create substantial fear in this situation. Working to avoid negative views of yourself can help limit anxiety and get you through a public speaking event.

Final Thoughts

The benefits of sharing things outweigh the feeling that we need to protect ourselves by avoiding public speaking. Now that you understand the issue of fearing public speaking, you might be wondering how you should move forward. Being organized, practicing, and deep breathing are just a few of the options available.

When someone is being assertive, they’re genuine about their opinions and feelings. An assertive person is capable of sharing their truths without feeling any underlying anxiety or guilt. However, it doesn’t fall under being aggressive or passive.

Assertiveness is essential both when you have negative emotions and positive feelings. If you’re honest when you tell someone no, they’re more likely to feel that you are being authentic the next time you say yes.

The Most Important Skills for Being Assertive

People who wish to be more assertive must work to understand how they feel and then healthily express that. Those who grew up in an environment where nobody talked about their feelings, may find this extremely difficult.

When children aren’t taught about feelings and how they work, it can lead them to miss out on some life lessons. The good news is you can still learn these things today.

Being Aware of Your Emotions in the Moment

Understanding the way you feel before and after something occurs can be helpful.

For instance, maybe you’ve been sitting in your apartment while the neighbors play increasingly louder music. You feel conflicted about if you should do something. In this situation, you might identify that you actually currently feel angry.

Knowing Your Thoughts and Feelings Deserve Being Expressed

Going off the same scenario we just mentioned, being assertive means knowing the feelings you have are valid and deserve to be expressed.

You might tell yourself that it’s three in the morning and you have work in the morning so your anger is justified.

Understanding How to Manage Your Emotions

When you feel anger, hurt, or another emotion that can be stressful, you need to be able to manage those feelings to express them in words.

In the situation we’ve talked about, maybe you sit for a few minutes in thought before you move forward to a reaction. Perhaps you take a few deep breaths and have a glass of water to calm yourself.

Trying to Understand the Others Involved

Understanding may mean taking a minute to consider how the other party might be feeling right now and the impact on the situation.

For instance, your neighbors are likely having fun and haven’t considered that the loud music is negatively impacting you or other people.

Thinking About the Setting, Situation, and Surroundings

Finally, you think about the situation and how to move forward.

Maybe you decide to call the neighbors. You might think about whether this was a one-off situation or something that occurs repeatedly to create additional frustration.

Final Thoughts

Being assertive has a variety of benefits but it’s not easy for every person. The skills above can give you a framework for being more assertive in your everyday life.

Using these skills lets you express how and what you feel in a way that others can understand. When you speak up without being too strong or too passive, you can expect people to be understanding and even work to ensure your needs are met.

When people hear the word “fighting,” it typically has negative connotations. If a couple is fighting, it might seem like the relationship isn’t going well. Some fights can be very destructive, but every couple gets into arguments. Managing a life together can be stressful, even for those in fantastic relationships.

Couples who succeed are those that successfully address their differences without causing harm, while laying the groundwork for better understanding. Those who “fight fair” are the ones who stay together and feel satisfied. Below are several ways to better manage conflict in your relationship.

Consider Why You Are Upset

Before you get into an argument, think about the reason you’re upset. For instance, maybe you think you’re upset because your partner didn’t put the laundry in the closet, but you actually are upset because you feel they have been disconnected from you emotionally recently. It’s important to sit with your thoughts and consider your feelings before an argument begins.

Keep It On Topic

Sometimes, couples start off arguing about one topic, and it turns into something completely different. Both conversations might be important, but it will be hard to resolve them at the same time. Once you’re on a new topic, the original argument may never be resolved. Plus, once things are off topic, it can easily spiral into everything someone has done wrong, which is a lot to handle and not productive.

Avoid Negative Language

One of the most important tips in fighting fair is to discuss the problem, not the person. That means you should stay away from name-calling, swearing, and put-downs. When you engage in this type of language, you may be trying to express negative emotions, but it will also make your partner feel hurt and possibly shut down. The original issue may be forgotten while the character attacks continue.

Wait Your Turn to Speak

You might have a million things to say, which can make it hard to wait to blurt out your perspective. However, you should avoid interrupting as much as possible. If that’s challenging, set a time for a few minutes so each person can talk without interruptions. Rather than thinking about what you want to say while your partner is talking, make sure you listen and then reflect back what they just said.

Stay Away from Stonewalling

Some people respond to arguments by retreating from the situation and saying nothing. When you refuse to be a part of the conversation, this is known as stonewalling. It might make you feel better for a short time, but the issue will still be present, and your partner will continue to be upset. If you need a short break, let your partner know and agree to resume the conversation at a later time.

Arguments can be complicated and messy. There isn’t always a perfect solution. Life just doesn’t work that way sometimes. However, it’s important to come to some kind of compromise. This requires an effort at give and take from both people. If a compromise cannot be reached, understanding can often soothe hurt feelings.

Everyone has needs. These include physical items like water and food, as well as emotional things like having a feeling of autonomy and feeling loved. People often reach out to others for support to fulfill their needs. Friends, family members, and partners can provide security, respect, trust, empathy, connection, and more when you need it.

In healthy and successful relationships, both people have their needs met in most cases. However, everyone has different needs. This is why it’s crucial to communicate your needs, whether they are being met or not. Below are a few steps on how to do that.

Know Your Needs

Each person’s needs are their own, and while some of them may be obvious to others, many will not be. Before you come to someone regarding your needs in a relationship, you have to identify what they are.

Perhaps you want more affection when out with friends, or you want a parent to offer you more space. Identify what the need is and how it affects you. If you aren’t sure what is bothering you, working with a therapist can help you better understand your needs so you can express them clearly.

Clearly State Your Needs

After identifying what you need, it’s time to start a conversation about it. This might be a spontaneous conversation, or you could agree on a time to talk when both of you are present and comfortable. When explaining your needs, use “I” statements. This means you talk about your feelings based on your experiences.

Do your best to explain how you feel and why you feel like that. For some people, this process can spark a large deal of anxiety. If you’re concerned about that, find someone neutral you can talk to first. Building your interpersonal skills is a great way to move forward.

Keep the Discussion Open

Once your needs have been shared, the conversation can open up. It should be a judgment-free space where the focus is on talking to each other until a solution is determined. Listen to what the other person says about their feelings and needs. After you both understand each other, start moving toward a compromise that meets everyone’s needs.

As mentioned, every person has their own set of needs. Some individuals might want less or more of something. In addition, the needs you have might change across the relationship. For long partnerships, you’re quite likely to have several conversations similar to this one.

Gracefully Move Forward

At this point, you’ve shared what you need and heard the needs of the other person. This is the time to follow through by working to meet each other’s needs and create trust in the relationship. While some needs are flexible, others aren’t negotiable.

Knowing which needs are deal breakers and communicating that to the other person gives them a chance to learn more about you while you establish healthy boundaries.

There are cases where someone can’t meet your needs even after they have been communicated. They may choose not to, or they may literally not be able to. This is why it’s essential to consider the situation in perspective. It will allow you to steer the relationship beneficially and productively.

It is normal for people within a family to experience disagreements, misunderstandings, and selfishness once in a while. Difficulties and challenges are far from uncommon. However, if the relationships you have with family members are extremely challenging, examining the relationship is often a good way to start the process of change.

The first thing to consider is whether you feel judged or unsafe. If abuse is present, limiting contact with the person is often the right step to take. Research indicates being in conflict with people over a long period can have health impacts.

However, some people are dealing with overly dramatic family members, small annoyances, frustrating behavior, and overall negativity. If that’s the situation you find yourself in, there are methods to make things less stressful. We’ll share information on that below.

Interacting with Challenging Members of the Family

It can be a challenge to communicate with someone who is difficult to talk to. If they resort to bullying, manipulation, or anger, choosing not to interact may be the best option. Nobody deserves to be emotionally abused in this manner. However, if the person is just hard to get along with, we have some tips.

• Stay away from sensitive topics and “hot” subjects.

• Always remain aware of your emotions.

• Be intentional in the way you interact with the person.

• Don’t attempt to run in and fix situations they cause.

• Avoid any behaviors that could be construed as people-pleasing.

• Hold appropriate boundaries by determining what you will and won’t do

Managing Challenging Family Relationships

If you’re having issues in a challenging relationship with someone in your family, the first thing to do is tell yourself you don’t control what the other person does, but you do control your reactions. This can often neutralize some of the issues you are experiencing.

Take time to sit down and think through the things you appreciate about this person. Try to push out of your mind the things that make them hard to spend time with. When you have some positive traits in mind, you may focus less on their faults when you are in their presence.

Another method to manage these relationships is by changing the environment. Select a spot to meet where both of you will feel calmer. Choose a public area since that often makes people act on their best behavior. It’s less likely the person will cause a scene or draw attention.

If a gathering is in the future and you know you’ll be around the person, prepare for that before it happens. Consider how you can respond to the sorts of things they are likely to say. When you prepare before a gathering, it’s easier to get through troubling interactions and conversations without stress.

You should also work to be empathetic. Many people have life experiences that cause their negative traits. For instance, someone who has been through a lot might feel angry, resentful, and bitter about the things in their life. This isn’t to say you should excuse the things they do, but it can give you some perspective and empathy for their situation.

Those who have heard the term non-violent communication (NVC) might be curious about exactly what it means. It’s used in personal relationships, work relationships, and family relationships, among others. Today, we’ll be sharing what non-violent communication is all about and how you can use it for better conversations with others.

What Non-Violent Communication Is

Non-violent communication is a specific communication process that was first conceived by a psychologist named Marshall Rosenberg. It utilizes a variety of concepts about empathetic human behavior and is useful to people in the modern world.

Rosenberg notes that NVC is a “language of compassion” but also says it goes beyond a simple language or process. Instead, it is “an ongoing reminder to keep your attention focused on a place where we are more likely to get what we are seeking.”

When people communicate, whether verbally or non-verbally, they are exchanging and negotiating with someone else. This can be done with the help of compassion or without it. The idea behind NVC is that communicating compassionately offers different and often better results.

The Four Steps of Non-Violent Communication

There are four major steps to non-violent communication. They are Observations, Feelings, Needs, and Requests.

Observations

The first thing NVC calls for is making observations without any judgment. This means communicating facts based on what you have seen. Instead of saying, “you never listen when I talk to you,” you might say, “I noticed you browsing your phone today in our meeting.”

NVC requires you to separate what you see from your own judgments. Judgment makes people defensive and leads to more negative interactions.

Feelings

Next, you need to be responsible for your own feelings. This means seeing other people’s words and actions in a new way. While the things people do can be a stimulus, they aren’t a cause of emotions.

When someone says something negative, you can fight back, take it personally, consider your own needs, or think about the other person’s needs. The latter two are the best option in NVC.

Needs

For the third step, look inside yourself for needs. You should learn to find and describe what you need. Expanding your vocabulary and practicing is the key to doing this. When people can express their needs, it’s easier to make the right requests of the individuals around them.

Requests

Finally, NVC tells you to make specific requests for the things that you need. Always compassionately do this so they can react in kind. Avoid demanding something. Demands are forceful, intimidating, and violent, which can lead to unhelpful conversations.

Requests are more positive. Instead of saying what you don’t want, say what you do want. The easiest way to create a request instead of a demand is by making a statement and including your needs and feelings.

Non-violent communication is an excellent way to communicate for anyone who learns it. It can be used in clinical situations, personal environments, and workplaces. It’s a versatile and compassionate way to create the best conversations.

No matter where you work and what you do, you’ll likely run into a difficult coworker at some point. Being able to work with this person is a great way to improve your ability to overcome adversity and use your conflict resolution skills. When you learn how to work around difficult people, you can better focus on other coworkers and your work.

There are a variety of ways to work with a challenging coworker. In the paragraphs below, we’ll share some of the best ones. You can choose what you think will work best for your situation.

Note: There is a line between being a “difficult” coworker and an abusive one. If you think you’re in the latter situation, seek help within your organization.

Be the Best Person You Can Be

When you need to work with a difficult coworker, take a look at yourself to find solutions. Think about whether you have been communicating in an empathetic and adequate manner. You may not need to change yourself, but you should see if you play a role in the tricky situation.

If you can, talk to someone neutral about the situation. It’s best to select someone who doesn’t work with you. See what they think about the situation. Being self-aware helps you show the behaviors you prefer to see in others at work.

Stay Away from Office Gossip

One of the signs of toxic work culture is gossip. If the people around you spend the day gossiping about others, it can cut down the self-esteem of coworkers and lead to new employee insecurities.

When you refuse to engage in this gossip, it lets the others around you know that you’re safe and can be trusted.

Respectfully Confront the Situation

It can be challenging to confront a difficult coworker or superior. However, it may need to be done. When you do so, try to concentrate on your own feelings rather than attacking the actions of the other person.

For example, don’t say, “you’re always interrupting me when I try to speak.” Instead, try saying, “When I can’t finish sharing my thoughts, I feel dismissed.”

Learn to Work with All Personalities

Avoiding conflicts at work can be done by understanding how to work with different types of personalities. One coworker might like a lot of conversation to get engaged; another might want to keep home and work entirely separate.

Learning about and accepting coworkers can help the team succeed. Asking about communication preferences is a good way to start.

Speak with a Manager

If the tips above don’t work and a coworker is making you feel uncomfortable, you may need to speak to someone with more power to handle the situation. You could take an official complaint to your boss or step in and talk with the people in human resources.

In a situation where a difficult coworker makes you feel unsafe, speak to HR, and document the instances that occur.

Dealing with a difficult coworker can be stressful, but the methods above should help. Have empathy and realize that everyone is dealing with things in life. Reflect on your actions, be the better person, and try to be positive.

Most people have an understanding of the signs of physical abuse, but the same isn’t always true for emotional abuse. Missing them can be easier since emotional abuse is more challenging to identify and comes in several forms.

Emotional abuse involves the abuser using power over you to intimidate and exclude you mentally using actions and words. Many can remember the words a bully from school said to us, even if it was a long time ago. It feels even worse when those things come from a partner, parent, other loved one, or coworker.

While emotional abuse comes in many types, there are five that are important to be aware of. We’ll give more information about each below.

Love Bombing

Whether you have heard the term love bombing or not, you’ve surely seen it in real life or on television. So what is love bombing? It involves a partner who gives you positive behavior, sweet words, and affection to the point where you trust them, and they can manipulate you in the future.

However, love bombing only lasts so long. At some point, the abuser will remove affection and make you feel bad. This can occur in romantic relationships and with colleagues, family members, and friends.

Continuous Criticism

Everyone makes mistakes, but continuous criticism can make you feel you do nothing right. The abuser is happy to latch onto anything about you to make you feel self-conscious. Criticism of this kind is emotional abuse. You’re taught that you aren’t good enough and don’t deserve them.

Controlling and Possessive Behavior

Being cared for is nice. A phone call to make sure you made it home okay is harmless. Making several calls and leaving angry voicemails when you’re out with friends is not. There is a line between care and control. Condescending or patronizing language may also be used, or you may feel you can’t do things without getting permission.

Swearing, Insults, and Aggression

If an abuser realizes they can control you, they might start to use rage on you. This could be a manager at your job who starts to verbally abuse you because they are having a bad day. It also might be a partner who says and does terrible things to you. In addition, some abusers use physical aggressiveness, like punching a wall or throwing a phone, to show their anger.

Gaslighting

When someone often denies or distorts the truth, it can make you doubt your own perceptions and reality. This can make you second-guess yourself and question whether your memories are accurate. After all, you’re being told that it isn’t true. This is what is known as gaslighting.

This might manifest as someone saying they didn’t do something you know they did. Or it might include comments that question whether what you say happened really did. It can get under your skin and make you question yourself.

Steps to Take

If you experience one or more of the signs of emotional abuse above, seeking help could be the right tactic to take. Those who notice these signs in others can offer assistance to those experiencing abuse. While emotional abuse is harder to see than physical abuse, knowing the signs is a large part of the battle.

It isn’t always easy to implement boundaries in your personal life. However, it’s a skill everyone should have. Boundaries let you separate your feelings and needs from those of your family, partner, friends, coworkers, etc.

The right set of boundaries helps you create healthy relationships with limits attached to them. If you plan to set personal boundaries, make sure you’re aware of what you will do if someone pushes past them.

Below are five tips to help you create good personal boundaries.

1. Understand Your Needs

The first tip is to think through your needs and why they exist as needs, not wants. Once you understand the purpose of a need, it’s easier to keep it in place.

Having that boundary may be important to ensure you keep your mental health in a good place. This is important to thrive and enjoy your life. When you take care of yourself first, you can take care of others better.

2. Choose Radical Honesty for Yourself

While being radically honest with others may not always be possible (and can come off the wrong way in some cases), it’s something you owe to yourself. Before you share your boundaries with others, you need to be honest with yourself.

For instance, consider jotting down what is holding you back or bringing you down in life. Are there relationships that pull you down? Is a situation making it hard to fulfill your needs? When you start to think about what feels wrong, you can choose to make changes that give you more control in your life.

3. Work Towards Direct Communication

It can be challenging to state your needs directly. You might feel more comfortable being vague. However, you need to push past this. When you are direct, there’s no chance of miscommunicating your needs. This means a single conversation may be all that is needed.

You don’t have to go into the reasons behind your boundaries. You simply need to make it clear that these boundaries exist. Share the line you will not allow to be crossed. The less clear you are about this, the more your words can be misinterpreted. This can lead to a lot of frustration down the line.

4. Move Inward Instead of Outward

It’s a bad move to try to fix someone else. It likely won’t work and is often a source of serious stress and frustration.

Instead of focusing on how to make someone else “better,” turn that focus on yourself. How can you change how you respond to a person, instead of focusing on changing them. You’re creating boundaries for yourself to be mentally healthy. That is what matters.

5. Build a System of Support

Whether it’s you, friends, or family members, everyone needs a support system. It can make it easier to stick to your boundaries. Remind yourself that you’re doing well and have a reason to hold boundaries.

If a complicated conversation is coming up, ground yourself first. Once it’s over, provide yourself with a reward or some deep breathing to relax. This is a time when self-care will give you a lot of benefits.

Final Thoughts

Identifying your boundaries and sticking to them is hard work but it needs to be done. Your wellbeing should always come first. Whether with friends, families, or partners, you deserve to feel safe. If you have trouble setting boundaries, consider talking to a therapist. They can help you find a good way to deal with the situation.

You’ve likely heard the term “work-life balance,” which refers to how you split time between a career and the other parts of your life. Putting work boundaries in place is essential to maintaining good emotional and physical health.

When you have a good work-life balance, you can align your activities to the values that are important to you. It also ensures you can work on relationships in your personal life to enjoy a happier existence.

Why Implement Work Boundaries

Without work boundaries, you’re more likely to do more than you can handle, avoid taking time off, and agree to do tasks you don’t have time for. It can also result in you working off the clock or doing the work of more than one person.

These things might not sound bad when they stand alone, but they can quickly add up. As time goes on, they can result in less happiness and productivity. Eventually, you may feel a sense of dread when you need to go to work.

Nobody can keep this up forever. You’ll end up with too much going on and suffer burnout. However, there are several things you can do to avoid this occurring. Prioritize good work-life balance in the ways we’ll explore below.

How to Create Work Boundaries

The first thing you need to do is assess what boundaries you need and how you will implement them. Boundaries come from your priorities in life. Be aware of your limits, listen to your feelings, and permit yourself to have boundaries. After that, you can look into the environment and find ways to improve it.

After you’ve chosen the boundaries that matter to you, make sure those things are communicated with others. This can be as simple as letting team members know that you won’t take calls or emails past 6 PM. When you communicate early, you avoid potential miscommunication.

Structure is essential to working so you want to create a structure for your boundaries from the start. This avoids any anxiety or stress around what is allowed and what isn’t. For instance, if you have certain blocks of time when everyone knows you aren’t to be disturbed, you’re less likely to have someone come knocking on your door.

It's also important to be sure your work relationships are professional. Many people have a close friend or confidante at work and that’s okay. However, the majority of your work relationships should be fully professional. There needs to be a separation between coworkers and friends.

While you’re at it, make sure you take time off when you have it. The worst thing you can do for your mental health is to let this time expire. Use the free time you have and recharge for when you come back into the office. Being happy and well-rested will benefit you and the rest of the team.

Final Thoughts

Now that you know why work boundaries are needed and how to set them up, all you have to do is take the plunge and make some changes. If you’re having trouble setting boundaries or adhering to them, don’t be afraid to seek out help. A therapist can work you through the process so you can enjoy both work and the rest of your life.

Regardless of industry or company, there are nearly always challenging bosses in the workplace. If you’re in this situation, you likely want to find a way to get along with them better, especially if you otherwise enjoy your job.

The reality is that some managers move up when they don’t have the best leadership skills. Bad communication skills, lack of empathy, and below-average team organizing skills can create a challenge for the team working for the manager.

When it feels like your boss doesn’t understand you, is incapable of leadership, needs to work on management abilities, or acts emotionally rather than logically, it can be hard to work with them. Complaining, confronting, or being disruptive can just make things worse.

If you want to stay but are having issues with a boss, there are a few things you can do to make the workplace less stressful. All of these things can help you create a better relationship with your boss and learn skills you might use when promoted or at a different organization.

Show Some Empathy

Just like you and your teammates, the boss is likely under a lot of pressure. It just happens to be a different type of pressure. Managers often know upsetting information and will be accountable for all sorts of things you don’t think about. In some cases, this can lead to feelings of anxiety and stress that are transferred to you and the rest of the team.

If a manager isn’t good at dealing with pressure, it can make the team feel as if they’re walking on eggshells. When the boss is anxious and that grows, it makes it harder to cope with all the things going on. Rather than getting frustrated, consider asking about what pressure the boss is feeling.

Consider Behavioral Style

Bosses who aren’t great at communication may also have trouble encouraging their teams. Behavioral style can play into this. Some people are quick to act, extroverted, and fast-paced. Others are slower, more thoughtful than apt to act fast, and introverted. There are many combinations of behavioral styles between these two, as well.

Watch your boss to get an idea of how they do things naturally. Once you see what works for them, look at the differences between the two of you. These things could be causing conflict. Rather than fighting about who is right, think about whether you can make some small changes as a compromise.

Support the Boss

Even if your boss isn’t nice and supportive, that doesn’t mean you have to have that same attitude. There’s nothing wrong with heading home to vent about a boss you do not like. This is normal and healthy. However, you shouldn’t act this way when you are in front of the boss.

Instead, do whatever you can to support the boss and the company as a whole. Don’t think of this as faking it, it’s simply part of getting through the day. Support the boss as much as possible and leave venting outside the office when needed.

Final Thoughts

In many cases, a bad boss can be stressful. However, there are ways to make the situation less stressful. Of course, this doesn’t apply if a boss is abusive or unethical. In that case, you should speak with someone above the boss. If the problems do not get better, a therapist may be able to help you decide your next steps.

Updated July 27, 2022

All or nothing thinking is a common cognitive distortion that often happens with people who have issues related to anxiety. This might include depression or panic disorders, for example. However, others could fall into this type of negative thinking pattern, as well. Those who think this way view things in extremes and they see many things as black or white without any room for gray areas.

THE DANGERS OF ALL OR NOTHING THINKING

This type of thinking can cause a substantial amount of harm. It will affect the way you feel about yourself and others. Typically, this type of thinking will use absolute terms, such as always or never. It’s either good or bad with nothing in between, and this results in many people not being able to see alternative outcomes. It can make it difficult, and in some cases impossible, to see solutions.

• Someone who participates in all or nothing thinking might notice the following:

• Feeling as if you are a failure

• Having lowered self-esteem and confidence

• Difficulty finding a middle ground or thinking of solutions

• Being less likely to take risks

• An inability or unwillingness to forgive yourself

• Trouble asking others for help

• Lack of resilience

• Less self-compassion

When someone engages in this type of thinking, they either believe themselves to be successful or a failure in the things they do in life. You see yourself as either being worthy or not worthy. You could also start to see others in this binary light, as well. This can lead to harsh and unfair judgments of yourself and other people. It can make the world feel like a very bleak place when you are so negative, and this can help to cement your feelings of negativity, depression, and anxiety.

On the other hand, those who see themselves as successful may find that they aren’t doing anything to become a better person. Regardless, this type of thinking is a problem.

SIGNS OF ALL OR NOTHING THINKING

Consider the type of language you are using. If you are using phrases such as “I will never pass this test”, “no one will ever love me”, or “I always lose”, it’s a sign of all or nothing thinking. This type of thinking ends up becoming self-fulfilling.

Another sign of this type of thinking is giving up easily. You want to have goals and dreams, but if you give up on them quickly, you see and focus on only the failures, not the successes. Bouts of low self-esteem and anxiety can cause people to be more apt to use all or nothing thinking, too.

These are only a couple of examples of the signs of all or nothing thinking. You can see several more below:

• You find it difficult to look at a situation and notice the positives.

• You commonly use words like “should” and “shouldn’t” or “always” and “never.”

• You focus largely on downsides, even when a potential opportunity is found.

• You have trouble receiving feedback, whether constructive or positive.

• You don’t try things unless you’re sure you can perfectly do them.

• You find that even the smallest mistakes lead to feeling like a failure.

If you are ignoring the good, if you procrastinate, and if you don’t feel motivated, it could be because this manner of thinking has taken hold. Fortunately, there are things you can do about it.

EXAMPLES OF ALL OF NOTHING THINKING

All or nothing thinking is common for those who are perfectionists or who struggle with their mental health. Giving in to this type of thinking only feeds into the idea that there are merely two options: failing or succeeding. In reality, most of us spend most of our time somewhere in the middle. Many times, people are more closed to success than they realize.

The next section will look at some examples of all or nothing thinking and how it can affect you.

Example 1:

Dan keeps a to-do list where he writes down all the tasks he has for the day. After completing his to-do list for several days, he runs into a snag. One of the projects he plans to complete cannot be done that day. Dan starts to think about nothing other than how he isn’t completing the list, which throws him off with finishing other tasks and nearly completing the list.

Dan thinks, “If I can’t complete all my tasks, what good am I anyway? There’s no way I can keep completing my to-do list with more challenging tasks if I can’t do it today. I’m a failure, and I’ll never be able to get as much done as the people around me.”

Example 2:

Blair goes in for an interview for a job that she is highly qualified for. While she’s speaking with the hiring manager, he asks a question that she struggles to answer. This leads Blair to feel as if the entire interview is a wash. She gets stuck in her head about the missed questions and makes additional mistakes due to all or nothing thinking.

Blair leaves the office dejected and sure she won’t get the job. She thinks, “if I can’t even get through an interview, how will I handle a job in this position? Maybe I’m just not cut out for this industry. After all, I couldn’t answer a simple question.”

Example 3:

Georgina has been struggling with an anger issue. She goes to therapy and starts to learn ways to work on it. However, one day, Georgina is on edge and frustrated, and she lashes out at her partner. Letting her anger out once in an unacceptable way makes her think that there’s no point in continuing to try. She determines she’s simply an angry person, and there’s no way to change it.

Georgina thinks, “Well, if I can’t control my anger now, I’m sure I can’t do it in the future. This is simply the way I am. I’ll never be able to work on this. It’s just the way it is.”

HOW TO STOP ALL OR NOTHING THINKING

One of the best things you can do is pay attention to the things you say and the way you think. Learn to recognize when all or nothing thinking starts to take root and learn to see beyond the black and white world. There are more than just two possible outcomes, and you should strive to focus on the good, even when the result is not what you want.

Replace Thoughts

Start replacing those all or nothing words with words that are more positive, such as “but”, “or”, and “and”. Embrace the mistakes you make and learn from them, list the possibilities rather than the absolutes, and identify the emotions you feel when you are going through an experience. Additionally, you could also work with a cognitive behavioral specialist for help.

Seek Out a New Perspective

Once you know you’re thinking about something in an unhelpful way, dig into that. Write down what happened, what it means to you, and your proof of your final assumption. Consider sharing with a coach, family member, therapist, or friends to get the input of others. In many cases, you’ll find that you didn’t fumble as bad as you thought. Your brain is simply making you feel you did.

Reframe the Thoughts

When you start to spiral about a situation, sit down and ask yourself how else you can look at things. The truth is likely somewhere in a gray area rather than all good or all bad. Even doing something that isn’t perfect doesn’t mean that you are a bad person. Reframing your thoughts can be learned through cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). You’ll learn to notice self-criticism and evaluate your thoughts for truth.

Social anxiety is also known as social phobia. Social phobia, in a nutshell, is the fear of being in social situations. Social anxiety can be described as the fear of interacting with someone who isn’t a family member or close friend.

Most of us have experienced feeling nervous in a social situation – think about your first interview with a job you really wanted or your first date with your partner. You probably remember feeling anxious, excited, or apprehensive.

However, the difference is, people without social phobia still follow through with these social events. They can experience the rewards of the outcome, like getting their dream job or meeting their future spouse. People with a social phobia will be unable successfully complete these important experiences.

Social anxiety is the third most prominent mental health issue across the globe. It affects almost 7% of the population. Nearly 13% of people will experience social anxiety at some point in their life.

What Causes Social Anxiety?

You can’t necessarily narrow social anxiety down to one simple cause. Most times, people who develop social anxiety do so over time, and multiple factors and experiences can contribute to the eventual outcome of developing a social phobia. However, there are some possible causes to examine:

• Genetics – People with a family history of anxiety may be more likely to develop social anxiety or other kinds of anxiety.

• Brain activity – Some studies have shown some parts of the brain are more active in people with social anxiety, such as the amygdala.

• Life experience – Certain social situations can cause someone to feel judged, different, or unwelcome. If a person experiences these negative feelings often in social situations, they may develop social anxiety.

Situations that May Trigger Social Anxiety

Social anxiety has many triggers that center around a person having to interact with others with whom they are not completely comfortable. Situations that can be difficult with social anxiety include:

• Job interviews

• First dates

• Parties

• Public speaking

• Business meetings

• Presentations

Most people will feel nervousness or even fear in these situations. What distinguishes normal nervousness from social anxiety is intensity and persistence. Though most people might feel nervous before a big job interview, they can put their nerves aside and complete the interview as normal. Someone with social anxiety may be physically unable to complete the interview due to overwhelming anxiety.

Types of Social Anxiety

Essentially, there are two types of social anxiety:

• Generalized social anxiety – The person with generalized social anxiety will feel fear around most social situations, regardless of importance. This type of anxiety can make even “fun” social situations, like a birthday party, unbearable.

• Non-generalized social anxiety – The person with non-generalized social anxiety will have a specific trigger(s) that cause their social anxiety. For example, for some people, this could be going on a date or interview. They may be fine at a birthday party or in a lower-stakes situation.

Signs and Symptoms

Social anxiety is a fear of interacting with others, most often with an underlying fear of being judged or embarrassed. Someone experiencing anxiety in a social situation may present with:

• Shortness of breath

• Sweating

• Shaking

• Increase heart rate

• Feeling faint

With social anxiety, anxious thoughts are common. Someone may think that everyone is judging them, or that no one truly likes them, even if they have no proof of that. This can cause a person with social anxiety to act in the following ways:

• Apologize often

• Spend a higher-than-normal time preparing for a social situation or event

• Seek frequent reassurance from others

• Leave social situations hurriedly

• Avoid entering social situations

People with social anxiety entering a social situation may make great efforts to avoid their triggers. This includes things like using alcohol to cope and “loosen up,” frequently excusing themselves to the bathroom or outdoors, and refraining from contributing to a conversation.

Getting Help

If your social anxiety affects your day to day life, or gets in the way of opportunities for you, it’s wise to seek help. Therapy can help greatly to reduce social anxiety and give the sufferer many coping mechanisms to face social situations again. Social anxiety will rarely be resolved on its own, so it’s important to seek professional help to start the journey of healing social anxiety. If left unchecked, social anxiety can cause someone to become depressed. By getting therapy, someone with social anxiety can begin to live a normal life again.

A phobia of driving can happen to almost anyone and is more common than you’d think. Driving is a necessary part of many people’s lives, so having this phobia may greatly impact one’s quality of life. With proper therapy and treatment, people can overcome this phobia.

Introduction

Driving anxiety is a very prevalent form of anxiety. It can range in severity; some folks have a hesitation to drive caused by anxiety, while on the other end of the spectrum, some people refuse to drive at all, in which case it becomes a driving phobia. A phobia is a fear that is paralyzing, meaning it stops a person from being able to do the activity in question.

People with a driving phobia may fear certain instances that can happen on the road, such as:

• Being trapped in a traffic jam and unable to escape

• Passing out at the wheel

• Losing control of their vehicle

• Getting into an accident

The fear of these hypothetical situations can be strong enough to keep some people off the road entirely.

Symptoms

The symptoms of a driving phobia are similar to most other phobia symptoms.

Physical symptoms:

• Heart palpitations

• Perspiring and sweaty palms

• Dizziness

• Dry mouth

• Shortness of breath

Psychological symptoms:

• Refusal to drive

• Extreme panic when driving

• Confusion or disorientation

• Intense fear of losing control of oneself or one's vehicle on the road

A driving phobia usually starts out as driving anxiety. By avoiding driving for long periods (to avoid anxiety symptoms), people typically develop a phobia of driving.

Causes

Driving phobias can be caused by many things, but sometimes, there’s no exact cause at all. Some of the most common causes are:

• People who experience an incident such as a car accident or "close call"

• A lack of confidence in driving skills

• An extension of agoraphobia (phobia of enclosed spaces)

• Watching someone they know get into a car accident

A study by Beck and Coffey reported that 25–33% of people involved in a car accident that resulted in injuries and related evaluation in a medical setting experience subsequent fear of driving as a direct effect of the accident.

However, some people can develop a driving phobia without ever getting into an accident. This is especially true for folks with pre-existing anxiety conditions, such as agoraphobia.

Getting Help

A driving phobia can severely impact a person’s ability to hold a job, live a normal social life, and do other important activities. If left unchecked, someone may become depressed due to being unable to overcome their fears.

The good news is that with therapy and hard work, people can overcome their driving phobias. A therapist can offer a range of cognitive-behavioral therapies to change the way a person thinks about driving and give them resources to use when feeling afraid. There are also promising new therapies, which include using virtual reality to gain driving confidence.

If you or someone you love experiences driving phobia, talking with a therapist is a great first step in regaining their quality of life.

Agoraphobia is an extremely common anxiety disorder, affecting about 1.8 million adults. Although common, agoraphobia is serious and can impact the sufferer’s quality of life. Agoraphobia is the intense fear of being unable to escape, often presenting as fear of crowded or closed-off spaces.

Symptoms

Agoraphobia is classified by the DSM-5 as an individual diagnosis. Although it may occur with other diagnoses, it can also stand alone. The symptoms and effects of agoraphobia can impact a person’s ability to live a normal life.

To be diagnosed, someone must experience fear or panic in at least two of the following situations:

• Being in an enclosed space (theater, mall, restaurant)

• Waiting in a line or being in a large crowd

• Being out of the home alone

• Being in a wide-open space (fields, bridges, etc.)

• While on public transit (buses, trains, planes)

In someone with agoraphobia, many of the above day-to-day situations will cause extreme anxiety and panic. An individual usually fears that something bad is going to happen to them and they will be unable to escape. Someone with agoraphobia may also experience more intense bouts of fear, called panic attacks, which can produce both physical and mental symptoms and can be debilitating.

People with this phobia may change their routines to avoid crowds or other situations that trigger anxiety. At least one-third of people with agoraphobia are unable to leave their homes due to extreme anxiety.

To qualify for a diagnosis, an individual needs to exhibit these anxious and avoidant behaviors for six months or longer.

Causes of Agoraphobia

The causes of agoraphobia can vary from person to person and can be hard to pin down. Some common causes that can lead to agoraphobia are:

• Experiencing a trauma, such as being mugged or attacked

• High levels of neuroticism

• Having family members with the condition (The DSM-5 notes a 61% heritability.)

• Growing up with caretakers who were very protective

• Having panic attacks

  • Sometimes, people who have panic attacks eventually develop agoraphobia as a result. It usually starts because they fear having a panic attack in a public space and being unable to get help or embarrassing themselves.

Co-Occurring Mental Health Conditions

Many people with agoraphobia have other mental health conditions as well. Clinical samples have shown that over 50% of people diagnosed with agoraphobia have a history of panic attacks. A large majority of people with agoraphobia have co-occurring anxiety disorders of some type. Sometimes, a person who suffers from agoraphobia and other anxiety disorders may abuse drugs or alcohol to self-soothe. This can cause other mental health conditions, like addiction and depression.

Getting Help

If you or someone you know is impacted by signs and symptoms of agoraphobia, seek professional help. Agoraphobia can be managed with therapy. A therapist can give the sufferer a toolkit of resources to use when feeling afraid. The therapist can also treat any co-occurring disorders that may be exacerbating agoraphobia. With professional help, someone with agoraphobia can begin to enjoy day-to-day life again.

Imposter syndrome is a specific diagnosis that makes you feel as if you are lesser or otherwise not worth the accomplishments you’ve managed in your life. Despite evidence to the contrary, you will likely feel unworthy or useless if you’re suffering from imposter syndrome, and you’ll likely hoard these feelings of discontent for long after they have already started to harm you and your mental health.

In the simplest terms, those who are suffering from imposter syndrome constantly feel as if they are a fake or a fraud, and that it’s only a matter of time before they’ll be found out.

If this sounds like something you’re dealing with, lets talk about the best ways to handle imposter syndrome.

Best Methods for Handling Imposter Syndrome

There are many ways to combat Imposter Syndrome, but they all boil down to recognizing your internal worth and taking ownership over the wins you’ve made.

Consider the following:

Stop Looking At Other Grass

Many cases of imposter syndrome come from people comparing themselves to others. It’s much easier to look at someone else and see how they’re thriving, or how they’re worth all that they’ve achieved, but it’s much harder to look inside yourself and do the same. However, if you keep your eyes on your own paper (life) and stop comparing yourself to others who seem like they have it so much easier, much of the basis for your imposter syndrome will feel less relevant.

Therapy/Talking to Others

Seeing the truth of what you’re feeling can be extremely hard. This is why you should enlist the help of others in your life – or with a professional, licensed therapist – to help you discern what is imagination and what is reality. So that, rather than running yourself in circles, you can have some external viewpoints to contrast with your own.

Keep Your Accomplishments At the Forefront Of Your Mind

Imposter syndrome thrives in situations where it’s hard to determine what is true and what your feelings are telling you. So, when it comes to imposter syndrome, you will need to fight feelings with facts.

Even if you feel as if you don’t deserve your accomplishments, make a list of the things you’ve achieved. Then, in moments when you’re feeling down about yourself, you can refer to this tangible list of achievements you’ve scored in your life.

Discerning Truth From Reality

Imposter syndrome can come for the most settled individual, and it’s an insidious thing that might not be noticeable until it already has its grips in you. However, at that point, realize what negative feelings you keep cycling back to, and try to separate those feelings from objective facts.

For example, if you think that you don’t deserve something or that you don’t have the skills to perform something to the level it requires, look back on what you’ve accomplished before. Have you done it before? If you’ve done it before, that’s proof that you can do it again, no matter what your feelings are telling you.

Use Imposter Syndrome As a Weapon

This might seem somewhat counter-intuitive, but one of the best strategies against imposter syndrome is imposter syndrome itself. Whenever you’re feeling low, keep the description of imposter syndrome at the forefront of your mind and remember that imposter syndrome doesn’t latch on to people who are actually imposters. Ergo, if you’re feeling imposter syndrome, you are not a fraud!

Takeaway

Imposter syndrome can come for everyone, and there isn’t much to be done until you’re in the thick of it. However, if that happens to you, use our tips to get a handle on your imposter syndrome, then look on your achievements with your head held high.

Burnout is a serious condition that can get worse if left alone. However, conversely, it’s hard to handle burnout because it’s hard to determine if you are suffering from burnout. (Although, two years into the Coronavirus pandemic, it’s pretty likely that you’re suffering from burnout, even if you may not know it yet.)

Burnout can be an insidious situation that can grow worse and worse until you aren’t even aware of how bad it’s become. Burnout tends to crop up as signs of depression, irritability, listlessness, feelings of worthlessness, and an increasing lack of patience.

Luckily, if you know – or suspect – that you’re dealing with burnout, there are ways to try and get your life back on track.

What to Do About Burnout?

Keep in mind the following factors to ensure that you can have a positive handle on your burnout and nip it in the bud as quickly as possible.

Recognize That You’re Suffering From Burnout

This may seem obvious, but the first step of handling your burnout is to recognize that you’re suffering from your burnout. Check out our list of burnout signs/symptoms and see if any of them match up with how you’re feeling. From there, use that comparison to see how likely it is that you’re dealing with burnout.

Find What Is Causing the Burnout

In many burnout cases, there is usually an underlying cause or source that is highlighting your feelings of burnout. For many, work is a cause of distress and burnout, so examine your life to see if particular sources are at root of your feelings of burnout.

Make Changes

Once you’ve determined what is most likely causing your burnout, you’ll have a much better idea about what you can change to make it all more manageable. Do what you can to lighten your load or otherwise lessen what you have to do to keep you from being overwhelmed – getting a handle on your priorities can lessen your stress and give you some relaxing breathing room.

Set Boundaries

Overextending yourself or working beyond your means is one of the quickest ways to find yourself feeling burnout. As such, knowing your limits and refusing to strain yourself beyond them is a great way to avoid burnout. Be firm with yourself about what you can and can’t do and be equally firm about setting limits regarding how much time you can commit to others’ needs in place of your own.

Talk to People/Consider Therapy

Knowing that you’re experiencing burnout and having ideas for how to feel more relaxed and in control are all well and good, but it can help to unload your burdens onto others as well. If you’re not sure where to start, reaching out to others whom you trust.

Takeaway

Burnout can be hard to get a handle on, and it can be even harder to recognize as a problem. However, once you realize that it’s not just you, you can try the tactics mentioned in this blog and start getting your feelings of burnout under control.

What Is Imposter Syndrome?

Imposter syndrome is a term that gained prominence in the 1970s. It’s the term used to describe the phenomenon of internally feeling as if you aren’t as competent or amazing as others might believe you are. It has been linked to issues with achievement, intelligence, social cues, and even perfectionism. Another way to look at it is that if you suffer from imposter syndrome, you’ll feel like a fraud/fake/phony, or as if you have only achieved the things you’ve achieved in your life because of dumb luck or riding on others’ coattails.

Imposter syndrome can come for everyone, no matter their work experience, skill level, schooling experience, or financial or social status.

Imposter Syndrome Signs

There are common signs that you might be suffering from imposter syndrome, so read on to see if any of these fit with how you’re feeling:

Can’t Judge Your Abilities Accurately

If you find that you’re the type of person who consistently minimizes your skills, it might be that you’re not accurately judging your abilities. To look at it another way, let’s say that you have 20 years of experience in marketing… yet when someone asks about your abilities, you – earnestly – claim that you are not as skilled as your 20 years of experience would otherwise prove.

Think You’ve Only Succeeded Due to Luck

Let’s refer back to that earlier phenomenon where despite your 20 years of experience, you doubt your ability to succeed in your profession of marketing. Part of why you might feel this way is because you believe that every success you’ve found in your life is only due to external factors beyond your control. To look at it another way, you may only believe that you’ve received any success in your life because you’ve been lucky a few times.

Despite there being evidence to the contrary, you may only believe that your successes in life are due to the actions of others, or despite the actions you’ve taken. If you think back on what you’ve accomplished in life and find yourself automatically discounting your efforts, you might be suffering from imposter syndrome.

Constantly Thinking About What to Do Better (Even When You’re Winning)

Another main sign of imposter syndrome is feeling as if you can always be doing better than you currently are. Even if you’re successful, able to pay your bills, due for a promotion at work, and have a loving partner at home… there’s always that thought in the back of your brain that says you can always do more or always do better.

Consequences of Imposter Syndrome

There are a few individuals who can find their motivation bolstered by imposter syndrome, but for many, imposter syndrome will only leave them with constant anxiety and a constant feeling that they’ll never be good enough. This feeling drives many people to overwork themselves, push aside signs of burnout and a lack of mental wellness, and otherwise be too hard on themselves to live a healthy life.

Additionally, imposter syndrome isn’t a one-and-done sort of experience. Just because you succeed at something once doesn’t mean that your imposter syndrome will go away. In truth, you’ll likely double down after a success – due to that feeling of luck and unworthiness – and start the vicious cycle anew. Anxiety, depression, and feelings of isolation are likely to follow when one is experiencing imposter syndrome.

If these feelings are resonating with you, talk to your therapist or get in touch with us.

If you’re a person living in this world of 2022, you are likely feeling burnout. The past two years have felt extremely untenable, and there has been very little time to decompress or recover from all the curveballs the world has thrown at everyone.

If you don’t believe that you could possibly be suffering burnout, then read on to learn about various signs that point to burnout to see if any of them sound familiar to what you’re dealing with.

Signs to Look For

More Prone to Headaches

If you find that headaches seem to be accosting you at every turn, no matter what you do, it might be a sign of burnout.

You Feel Worthless

If you’re feeling that nothing you’re doing is worth anything, or that you’re not being effective when you do try things, you might be suffering from burnout. This is an extremely common sign of burnout, so if you’re feeling listless or feel as if there’s no point in what you’re doing, see if it’s related to a feeling of burnout.

Pessimism

If you find that you’ve become extremely pessimistic or cynical in your daily life – especially around things that used to give you extreme amounts of joy – it might be that you can’t muster up the energy to handle anything with positivity. This is another common sign of burnout.

Exhaustion

If you find that you’re constantly tired, no matter how much relaxation and sleep you’re getting, you might be suffering from burnout. Physical or emotional distress and fatigue both count towards this exhaustion, so if you’re finding that it’s hard to get out of bed in the mornings, then it might be burnout at play.

Trouble Sleeping

If you are finding that you’re having trouble sleeping, and you can’t figure out any rhyme or reason behind your troubles, it might be that you’re experiencing burnout. You might think that burnout would make you want to sleep more, but you’ll find that, even if you’re sleeping more (a common sign of depression), you just don’t feel rested.

Depression

Feeling depressed – whether you have a history of depression or otherwise – is a common sign of burnout. Research has shown that if you suffer from depression, you might also suffer more easily from burnout; the two sometimes go hand in hand.

Irritability

Similar to pessimism, if you find that things are getting under your skin more easily, it might be a sign of burnout. Take note if you find that things you were previously able to brush off now feel as if they’re the last straw in your life – if your temper is shorter than usual, it might point to burnout.

Easily Distracted

If focus just isn’t in it for you anymore, you might be experiencing burnout. Being easily distracted is a big sign that plays into not being able to pay attention and also into a feeling of worthlessness. The worthlessness leads to distraction, which cycles back into the worthlessness (since you’re not being productive) and vice versa.

Takeaway

By now, you’ve likely determined if any of the symptoms listed in this blog are familiar or not. Know that there’s no shame in suffering from burnout – just make sure to take care of yourself and allow yourself to decompress when necessary, so that you can stay fighting fit!

Faulty thinking comes in a variety of forms. Self-serving bias is one of those forms. This form of faulty thinking affects the way someone functions both in personal situations and in society as a whole.

Self-serving bias is one of several identified cognitive distortions. Understanding cognitive distortions and understanding self-serving bias is the beginning of changing the behaviors.

Once you understand what each of those is, cognitive behavioral therapy might make sense.

Defining Cognitive Distortions

Inherently negative thoughts that are based on false beliefs are called cognitive distortions. Everyone experiences a negative thought pattern on occasion. When those thought patterns become routine, they have the potential to become harmful to a person’s overall mental health.

Several harmful thought patterns qualify as cognitive distortions. Self-serving bias is one of those thought patterns. Many people experience this kind of cognitive distortion, but not all of them remain hampered by the thinking.

What does self-serving bias look like up close?

Defining Self-Serving Bias

Do you know someone who always takes the credit when good things happen, but something negative is never their fault? They will blame other people, animals, acts of nature, anything but themselves for their mistakes or shortcomings. This is called self-serving bias.

Many people exhibit this kind of behavior in their teen years or during their early college days. Forgetting a project or doing poorly on a test often gets blamed on the teacher or a study partner. However, a good grade means they were successful on their own.

Typically, as people age and mature, this bias changes. For some, though, it doesn’t. Those people are the ones who may need assistance retraining their thought processes to eliminate this faulty thinking pattern.

Self-serving bias hampers the way people learn from mistakes and cope with adversity. When they view all mistakes as someone else’s responsibility, they are likely to repeat the negative patterns of behavior. This bias can be harmful to interpersonal relationships as well as societal conduct.

As with other cognitive distortions, self-serving bias affects multiple aspects of life. Consistent negative thought patterns affect self-concept as well as the way people interact with others. This particular distortion affects how people view mistakes and whether they actually learn from them.

Defining Cognitive Behavior Therapy

Cognitive behavior therapy is a therapy technique that uses goal-oriented therapy to recognize the presence of cognitive distortions. After the distortions are identified, thoughts are reframed and reconstructed. The plan is to correct negative thought patterns and create healthier ones.

Because this kind of therapy is goal-oriented, it takes a specified amount of time to implement. Don’t expect instantaneous results. Negative thought patterns develop over time, and the positive or more rational ones will take time to develop as well.

Final Thoughts

Self-serving bias is relatively common. Many people have the habit of blaming failures on anything other than themselves. If these patterns continue, there could be issues with personal relationships and with functioning in society. Cognitive behavior therapy can be used to help retrain these thought patterns.