All or Nothing Thinking: What Is It and How to Stop It
Updated July 27, 2022
All or nothing thinking is a common cognitive distortion that often happens with people who have issues related to anxiety. This might include depression or panic disorders, for example. However, others could fall into this type of negative thinking pattern, as well. Those who think this way view things in extremes and they see many things as black or white without any room for gray areas.
THE DANGERS OF ALL OR NOTHING THINKING
This type of thinking can cause a substantial amount of harm. It will affect the way you feel about yourself and others. Typically, this type of thinking will use absolute terms, such as always or never. It’s either good or bad with nothing in between, and this results in many people not being able to see alternative outcomes. It can make it difficult, and in some cases impossible, to see solutions.
Someone who participates in all or nothing thinking might notice the following:
Feeling as if you are a failure
Having lowered self-esteem and confidence
Difficulty finding a middle ground or thinking of solutions
Being less likely to take risks
An inability or unwillingness to forgive yourself
Trouble asking others for help
Lack of resilience
Less self-compassion
When someone engages in this type of thinking, they either believe themselves to be successful or a failure in the things they do in life. You see yourself as either being worthy or not worthy. You could also start to see others in this binary light, as well. This can lead to harsh and unfair judgments of yourself and other people. It can make the world feel like a very bleak place when you are so negative, and this can help to cement your feelings of negativity, depression, and anxiety.
On the other hand, those who see themselves as successful may find that they aren’t doing anything to become a better person. Regardless, this type of thinking is a problem.
SIGNS OF ALL OR NOTHING THINKING
Consider the type of language you are using. If you are using phrases such as “I will never pass this test”, “no one will ever love me”, or “I always lose”, it’s a sign of all or nothing thinking. This type of thinking ends up becoming self-fulfilling.
Another sign of this type of thinking is giving up easily. You want to have goals and dreams, but if you give up on them quickly, you see and focus on only the failures, not the successes. Bouts of low self-esteem and anxiety can cause people to be more apt to use all or nothing thinking, too.
These are only a couple of examples of the signs of all or nothing thinking. You can see several more below:
You find it difficult to look at a situation and notice the positives.
You commonly use words like “should” and “shouldn’t” or “always” and “never.”
You focus largely on downsides, even when a potential opportunity is found.
You have trouble receiving feedback, whether constructive or positive.
You don’t try things unless you’re sure you can perfectly do them.
You find that even the smallest mistakes lead to feeling like a failure.
If you are ignoring the good, if you procrastinate, and if you don’t feel motivated, it could be because this manner of thinking has taken hold. Fortunately, there are things you can do about it.
EXAMPLES OF ALL OF NOTHING THINKING
All or nothing thinking is common for those who are perfectionists or who struggle with their mental health. Giving in to this type of thinking only feeds into the idea that there are merely two options: failing or succeeding. In reality, most of us spend most of our time somewhere in the middle. Many times, people are more closed to success than they realize.
The next section will look at some examples of all or nothing thinking and how it can affect you.
Example 1:
Dan keeps a to-do list where he writes down all the tasks he has for the day. After completing his to-do list for several days, he runs into a snag. One of the projects he plans to complete cannot be done that day. Dan starts to think about nothing other than how he isn’t completing the list, which throws him off with finishing other tasks and nearly completing the list.
Dan thinks, “If I can’t complete all my tasks, what good am I anyway? There’s no way I can keep completing my to-do list with more challenging tasks if I can’t do it today. I’m a failure, and I’ll never be able to get as much done as the people around me.”
Example 2:
Blair goes in for an interview for a job that she is highly qualified for. While she’s speaking with the hiring manager, he asks a question that she struggles to answer. This leads Blair to feel as if the entire interview is a wash. She gets stuck in her head about the missed questions and makes additional mistakes due to all or nothing thinking.
Blair leaves the office dejected and sure she won’t get the job. She thinks, “if I can’t even get through an interview, how will I handle a job in this position? Maybe I’m just not cut out for this industry. After all, I couldn’t answer a simple question.”
Example 3:
Georgina has been struggling with an anger issue. She goes to therapy and starts to learn ways to work on it. However, one day, Georgina is on edge and frustrated, and she lashes out at her partner. Letting her anger out once in an unacceptable way makes her think that there’s no point in continuing to try. She determines she’s simply an angry person, and there’s no way to change it.
Georgina thinks, “Well, if I can’t control my anger now, I’m sure I can’t do it in the future. This is simply the way I am. I’ll never be able to work on this. It’s just the way it is.”
HOW TO STOP ALL OR NOTHING THINKING
One of the best things you can do is pay attention to the things you say and the way you think. Learn to recognize when all or nothing thinking starts to take root and learn to see beyond the black and white world. There are more than just two possible outcomes, and you should strive to focus on the good, even when the result is not what you want.
Replace Thoughts
Start replacing those all or nothing words with words that are more positive, such as “but”, “or”, and “and”. Embrace the mistakes you make and learn from them, list the possibilities rather than the absolutes, and identify the emotions you feel when you are going through an experience. Additionally, you could also work with a cognitive behavioral specialist for help.
Seek Out a New Perspective
Once you know you’re thinking about something in an unhelpful way, dig into that. Write down what happened, what it means to you, and your proof of your final assumption. Consider sharing with a coach, family member, therapist, or friends to get the input of others. In many cases, you’ll find that you didn’t fumble as bad as you thought. Your brain is simply making you feel you did.
Reframe the Thoughts
When you start to spiral about a situation, sit down and ask yourself how else you can look at things. The truth is likely somewhere in a gray area rather than all good or all bad. Even doing something that isn’t perfect doesn’t mean that you are a bad person. Reframing your thoughts can be learned through cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). You’ll learn to notice self-criticism and evaluate your thoughts for truth.