Communication: How to Get Needs Met
Everyone has needs. These include physical items like water and food, as well as emotional things like having a feeling of autonomy and feeling loved. People often reach out to others for support to fulfill their needs. Friends, family members, and partners can provide security, respect, trust, empathy, connection, and more when you need it.
In healthy and successful relationships, both people have their needs met in most cases. However, everyone has different needs. This is why it’s crucial to communicate your needs, whether they are being met or not. Below are a few steps on how to do that.
Know Your Needs
Each person’s needs are their own, and while some of them may be obvious to others, many will not be. Before you come to someone regarding your needs in a relationship, you have to identify what they are.
Perhaps you want more affection when out with friends, or you want a parent to offer you more space. Identify what the need is and how it affects you. If you aren’t sure what is bothering you, working with a therapist can help you better understand your needs so you can express them clearly.
Clearly State Your Needs
After identifying what you need, it’s time to start a conversation about it. This might be a spontaneous conversation, or you could agree on a time to talk when both of you are present and comfortable. When explaining your needs, use “I” statements. This means you talk about your feelings based on your experiences.
Do your best to explain how you feel and why you feel like that. For some people, this process can spark a large deal of anxiety. If you’re concerned about that, find someone neutral you can talk to first. Building your interpersonal skills is a great way to move forward.
Keep the Discussion Open
Once your needs have been shared, the conversation can open up. It should be a judgment-free space where the focus is on talking to each other until a solution is determined. Listen to what the other person says about their feelings and needs. After you both understand each other, start moving toward a compromise that meets everyone’s needs.
As mentioned, every person has their own set of needs. Some individuals might want less or more of something. In addition, the needs you have might change across the relationship. For long partnerships, you’re quite likely to have several conversations similar to this one.
Gracefully Move Forward
At this point, you’ve shared what you need and heard the needs of the other person. This is the time to follow through by working to meet each other’s needs and create trust in the relationship. While some needs are flexible, others aren’t negotiable.
Knowing which needs are deal breakers and communicating that to the other person gives them a chance to learn more about you while you establish healthy boundaries.
There are cases where someone can’t meet your needs even after they have been communicated. They may choose not to, or they may literally not be able to. This is why it’s essential to consider the situation in perspective. It will allow you to steer the relationship beneficially and productively.