Many different cognitive distortions can affect our thinking. One that is particularly common is “emotional reasoning”. In this situation, an individual assumes that because they feel something, then it must be true.

To an extent, we all experience this from time to time. For instance, it’s part of what underlies our penchant for believing things that support our personal biases, often without much in the way of actual evidence. However, Emotional Reasoning goes deeper and can lead to many problems. Let’s take a look at it through the lens of cognitive behavioral therapy.

Understanding Emotional Reasoning

Emotional reasoning is the condition of being so strongly influenced by your emotions that you assume that they indicate objective truth. Whatever you feel is true, without any conditions and without any need for supporting facts or evidence. This is often tied to negative emotions and mental states. For instance, a teenager who feels that they are stupid and ugly must actually be unintelligent and unattractive.

In these situations, your emotions may even override your feelings, behaviors, and logic. Emotional reasoning can stem from many different situations, but most are traumatic or involve danger of some sort (either real or perceived).

For instance, Heather is a 20-something professional. She’s driving home one evening from work when a serious thunderstorm blows up. Before she can find somewhere safe to pull over and find shelter, Heather hydroplanes in a puddle and is involved in an accident. While she was physically unharmed, and the damage to her car was minor and covered by insurance, Heather refuses to drive in any rainy weather thereafter, believing that she will get into an accident.

How to Overcome Emotional Reasoning

Overcoming emotional reasoning can be difficult, but it is possible. To explore how it is possible, we will use Heather as our example once more.

Heather feels afraid whenever she is behind the wheel and the weather becomes inclement. To help herself overcome the situation, she can recognize what she is feeling, acknowledge it, but then instead of engaging in negative self-talk and telling herself that she’s in danger, she can reassure herself that this feeling will pass.

The Connection with Panic Disorder

Emotional reasoning is often connected with panic disorder. People who struggle with emotional reasoning often engage in negative self-talk that escalates their emotions, leading to a full-blown panic attack. For instance, if Heather continued to focus on her fear of driving in the rain, telling herself that she knows she is going to have an accident, there is a very good chance that she will work herself into a panic attack. There is also the chance that the panic attack will precipitate an auto accident, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy and further reinforcing Heather’s emotional reasoning.

With patience, time, and the realization that simply because you feel something does not make it true, you can begin working to change the situation. Working with a therapist can also help you explore your emotions and how they affect your thinking, beliefs, and actions.

We have all encountered people in our lives whom we believed needed to change their behaviors, ways of thinking, or beliefs. In some cases, that change is necessary for the betterment of that specific individual. However, in some cases, people may believe that others must change for themselves to be happy. This is called the Fallacy of Change and is one of many cognitive distortions addressed by cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).

The Question of Change and Seeking Happiness

Change and happiness often go hand in hand. For instance, when you pursue personal development through yoga, meditation, or mindfulness practice, you change old ways of thinking and approaching the world. The result is personal growth and improved happiness. Those who fall victim to the fallacy of change, on the other hand, focus on forcing others to change to support their happiness, and often find that the result is not what they believed it would be.

For instance, one spouse might ask another not to wear their favorite T-shirt simply because the other spouse does not like it. This is a simplistic example, but it serves to highlight how innocuous some of these beliefs can be. A more serious example: a boyfriend believes that his girlfriend is perfect in almost every way, but she can sometimes nag. In his belief that eliminating her nagging would result in his happiness, he tries to force her to change. The result is that both of them ultimately become unhappy.

Another example is a girl who is attracted to “bad boys”. It is not because she finds the boy physically attractive, although that may be true, but that she believes she can “fix” him and make him over in the image of her own desires or what she believes is “good”.

There are many different problems with this cognitive distortion. Perhaps the most significant is that the individual forcing the change believes that their happiness entirely rests on the other person in some way. They fail to realize that their happiness stems from within themselves, thinking instead that some outside force will eventually make them happy.

Ultimately, both the person attempting to force change and the one being forced to change experience unhappiness. The person being forced to change may feel anger or resentment. The person forcing the change usually finds that even if the other individual complies with their wishes, happiness is elusive. The fact that the desired change is usually forced through pressure or cajoling further complicates the situation. Eventually, the negative emotions that the fallacy of change induces will also affect the situation, perhaps even driving a wedge between two people in a relationship.

How to Overcome the Fallacy of Change

The most important step to overcoming this cognitive distortion is to realize that our happiness does not depend on other people. We are responsible for our own happiness – it’s an inside job. Happiness due to external factors (such as someone doing what you want) will only create a temporary sense of satisfaction that soon fades away.

Updated July 25, 2023

By Dr. Andrea Zorbas

"Life isn’t fair." We've all heard this saying countless times, but for many people, its truth hasn't really been absorbed. Some firmly believe that life should—and can—be fair, and when confronted with the harsh reality, they grapple with distress and disappointment. This struggle, identified in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), is known as a cognitive distortion, specifically the fallacy of fairness.

What Is the Fallacy of Fairness?

The Fallacy of Fairness is a cognitive distortion where people apply rigid societal norms of fairness to personal interactions, leading to frustration when outcomes don’t meet their expectations of fairness. The society we live in is governed by explicit conventions and rules—laws and regulations. These rules are black and white, cut and dry. However, complications arise when individuals attempt to apply these unequivocal societal norms to their personal interactions. The trouble lies in the fact that two people will rarely, if ever, agree entirely on what "fair" means within the context of their relationship. Perceived unfairness invariably emerges when outcomes seem to favor someone else over us. It's crucial to understand that fairness is not an objective, universally agreed-upon principle—it's subjective and varies from person to person.

The Fallacy of Fairness and Heaven's Reward Fallacy: A Comparison

A closely related cognitive distortion to the fallacy of fairness is the Heaven's Reward Fallacy. This fallacy embodies the belief that one's struggles, sacrifices, and selflessness will eventually be rewarded, just as in many moral and religious teachings. However, life doesn't necessarily operate this way, leading to disappointment and frustration.

Consider Sarah, a diligent worker who consistently stays late to finish her tasks, forgoing personal time and relaxation. She operates under the Heaven's Reward Fallacy, believing that her sacrifice will be recognized and rewarded with a promotion or a raise. When a colleague, who leaves on time or even a little early at the end of each workday, gets the promotion instead, Sarah feels a profound sense of unfairness. The reality, however, is that promotions are often based on various factors, not just the number of hours worked. Sarah's belief in an ultimate fair reward sets her up for disappointment.

What Do We Perceive as Fair?

Our sense of fairness, like all our other notions, is shaped by our perception of reality. However, all perceptions are, by their nature, somewhat skewed, so objective fairness can't truly be perceived by an individual. When reality contradicts what we perceive to be fair, it triggers a cascade of negative emotions, including anger, hurt, fear, a sense of rejection, and more.

Let's consider the case of Tom and Annie, a newlywed couple. Annie expects Tom to work at his job and also contribute to household chores because that was her experience growing up—both her parents worked, and both contributed to household duties. On the other hand, Tom grew up in a household where only one parent worked, while the other managed the house.

Annie frequently feels frustrated and angry due to what she perceives as Tom's indifference to what she considers a mutual responsibility. Tom, for his part, feels perplexed by Annie's expectations and does not understand why he should work at his job all day, only to come home and work some more. Both Tom and Annie feel that they are being treated unfairly, but the reality is neither fair nor unfair—it simply is. Their individual perceptions of fairness, shaped by their unique past experiences, highlight the subjective nature of fairness.

How to Overcome the Fallacy of Fairness: Expanded Insight

Tackling the fallacy of fairness involves a two-fold approach—adjusting our thought patterns and understanding that fairness is not a universal absolute. Our personal experiences and backgrounds significantly shape our sense of fairness, and these experiences might not apply to everyone else. Hence, their sense of fairness will differ from ours.

It's important to first recognize and challenge our automatic thoughts about what's fair and unfair. Are these thoughts based on objective evidence, or are they shaped by personal experiences and emotions? Are we jumping to conclusions without considering the other person's perspective? Awareness, recognition, and self-questioning can be powerful first steps in overcoming this fallacy.

Moreover, effective communication plays a crucial role. This involves expressing our expectations clearly, listening to the other person's viewpoint, and trying to understand their perspective. This communication process fosters empathy and understanding.

Finally, it's essential to seek compromise rather than an absolute sense of personal fairness. It involves working collaboratively to reach an agreement that may not seem entirely fair to either party but is more equitable when considering everyone's perspectives. This approach fosters healthier, more balanced relationships, helping us overcome the fallacy of fairness.

In sum, the fallacy of fairness can be a significant source of distress and conflict in our personal and professional lives. However, by recognizing this cognitive distortion, challenging our perceptions, and fostering effective communication and compromise, we can navigate this fallacy and foster healthier and more satisfying relationships.

By Jada Carter, M.S.

When we share a piece of ourselves, we share our stories to the world. I write this inspired by the powerful words of Amanda Gorman who spoke at the inauguration of the newly appointed President Joe Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris. This beautiful and young Black Queen who wore her natural hair as a crown on her head as intended for it to be. I was captivated to see the first woman and woman of color, VP Harris, from my family’s hometown in Oakland, CA that we have progressed in since the 1940’s, to make it to the White House. Then to witness Ms. Amanda Gorman, this powerful and eloquent African American young woman speak on the possibilities of healing, empowerment and the impact of division in our country, was alluring to say the least. 

 So, I share a piece of my story to encourage those who are afraid and weary. Being vulnerable and telling others our most intimate secrets is scary. As I’ve learned over the years and was confirmed by Ms. Gorman “Quiet isn’t always peace.” I’ve found my peace by confiding in my allies and community, even as a therapist. I have struggled beyond what I would like to admit, to be where I am today, as a first generation, proud, silly, queer Black woman. Both learning about and advocating for the mental health of myself and my community has healed me in the most unimaginable ways possible. I want to encourage those who find silence as a coping mechanism or view discussing your feelings as weak to rise above the stigma. Let us be comfortable in being uncomfortable and find healing in a time of such chaos and uncertainty. 

Updated July 11, 2023
By Dr. Andrea Zorbas

In our day-to-day life, we often find ourselves assigning blame for things that don’t go as planned.

• A car that cuts us off

• A family member who forgets to do a chore

These everyday inconveniences can lead to bouts of frustration and annoyance.

But for those dealing with anxiety and depression, the blame game can take a darker turn, often manifesting as a cognitive distortion known as personalization.

“... characterized by a pervasive pattern of negative self-talk and constant feelings of guilt and self-doubt”

Exploring the Psychology of Blame

The act of blaming can be seen as a way to cope with discomfort or to make sense of events that are otherwise difficult to understand. It is intrinsically linked with our psychological need for control and predictability. When something disrupts the balance of our lives, assigning blame gives us a sense of power over the situation. Yet, for some, this tendency can become harmful, leading to a cycle of self-blame or unjust blaming of others. This leads us to the phenomenon of personalization.

Definition of Personalization

Personalization is a cognitive distortion where individuals attribute the entire blame for an event or situation on themselves or others, even when there is little to no justification for doing so. It is a misplaced sense of responsibility that does not account for external factors or circumstances beyond one's control. This blame could be directed towards oneself or unfairly projected onto another person.

The Mechanics of Personalization

This cognitive distortion often emerges from a complex interplay of past experiences, core beliefs, and emotional responses. It can be a learnt behavior, arising from environments where individuals were made to feel excessively responsible. Over time, this pattern of thinking solidifies, turning every situation into an opportunity for self-blame or wrongful accusation.

Symptoms of Personalization

Personalization manifests in many ways. It's characterized by a pervasive pattern of negative self-talk and constant feelings of guilt and self-doubt. This might include blaming oneself for another's dissatisfaction or feeling personally targeted by someone’s behavior, even when it has nothing to do with you. It also includes feeling intentionally excluded when you see a group interacting without you, or assuming that you have control over situations that are inherently unpredictable or uncontrollable.

The Effects of Personalization

The repercussions of personalization extend beyond self-perception, often influencing interpersonal relationships and overall mental health. It can lead to:

• low self-esteem

• heightened anxiety

• and a pervasive sense of guilt

Furthermore, it can strain relationships as individuals either shoulder unnecessary blame or unjustly assign it to others.

Who Is Most at Risk of Personalization?

While everyone can fall into the trap of personalization to some degree, individuals suffering from depression and anxiety-related disorders are particularly vulnerable. Often, these individuals have a history of trauma such as physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, or childhood loss, which exacerbates this cognitive distortion.

How to Stop Personalizing

Overcoming personalization requires concerted effort and sometimes professional help. Seeking counseling is a crucial first step, particularly for those grappling with the effects of past trauma.

Deep Dive: Strategies to Combat Personalization

A couple of self-help strategies can be beneficial in the battle against personalization.

Check Your Control: Whenever you find yourself starting to personalize, ask: "What factors in this situation do I truly control?" More often than not, you’ll realize that you had little control over the circumstances leading to the event.

Check Your Responsibility: Similarly, when blaming yourself for others' feelings or reactions, ask: "Am I really responsible for how they feel?" Unless you've directly caused their emotional response, the answer is likely "no".

Role of Mindfulness, Meditation, and Counseling

Along with the above strategies, mindfulness and meditation can be extremely helpful. Practicing mindfulness enables you to be present and aware of your thoughts and feelings without becoming overwhelmed by them. This can help you recognize when you're starting to personalize, providing an opportunity to counteract this negative thinking pattern.

Meditation, on the other hand, can help you achieve a state of calm and focus, reducing stress and anxiety that often fuel personalization. Regular meditation can help shift your mindset and build resilience against cognitive distortions.

Counseling, particularly cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), is also an effective approach in combating personalization. CBT helps you identify and challenge your distorted thought patterns, equipping you with practical strategies to change your thinking and behavior.

Final Thoughts: The Journey Towards a Happier Life

The journey to stop personalizing and start living a more contented life is one that requires patience, kindness, and perseverance. But remember, it is absolutely possible. Countless individuals have successfully overcome personalization and are now living healthier, happier lives.

In your journey, remember to treat yourself with kindness, recognizing that it's okay to make mistakes and that you cannot control everything. With mindfulness, self-compassion, and perhaps some professional guidance, you can break free from the shackles of personalization. Remember, each step you take towards overcoming personalization is a step towards a happier, healthier you.

The more we learn about the human brain, the more we understand the deep interrelations between various conditions. For instance, individuals who suffer from social anxiety disorder may find that their symptoms are worsened by a cognitive distortion called overgeneralization.

What Is Overgeneralization?

The American Psychological Association defines overgeneralization as, “a cognitive distortion in which an individual views a single event as an invariable rule, so that, for example, failure at accomplishing one task will predict an endless pattern of defeat in all tasks.” People with this condition take the outcome of one event and apply it as the inevitable outcome for all similar events.

Who Is at Risk for Overgeneralization?

While anyone can struggle with this cognitive distortion, it is more commonly seen in people with social anxiety disorder, as well as those with generalized anxiety, depression, and related conditions.

What Are the Symptoms of Overgeneralization?

To some extent, most of us are guilty of overgeneralizing at certain points. For instance, have you ever been frustrated while driving, only to be stopped by a red light and then fume because you’re “always” stopped at “every” red light? This is a good example of overgeneralization in daily life – you’re certainly not stopped by every single red light, every single time, but our brain makes it feel that way. For individuals who suffer from overgeneralization as a cognitive distortion, the situation is a little bit different.

Symptoms include:

• Viewing negative experiences as a set pattern

• Assuming one failure will predict ongoing failure in the same activity/task

• Worsening negative self-talk

• The feeling that you cannot do anything right

How to Overcome Overgeneralization

While overgeneralization can lead to negative outcomes in your life, cognitive behavioral therapy offers some strategies to address these challenges.

Know When It Occurs

One of the most powerful things you can do is recognize when it is happening. This can be challenging, as it requires that you become aware of your thinking while you are thinking it, but when done properly, you can learn to take a step back from the overgeneralization process while it is occurring.

Practice Mindfulness

Overgeneralization involves your thoughts. Therefore, when you are mindful of your thoughts, you can begin to notice patterns. Once you see those patterns, you can start to break them. Some people find it useful to keep a journal in which they record their thoughts so they can identify patterns more easily, as well as identifying overgeneralization triggers.

Look Deeply

An important step in dealing with overgeneralization is to look deeply at your thoughts and emotions, particularly when they are strong and negative. Ask yourself, “Am I sure?” or “Is this actually true?”. Ask whether someone else would see the situation the same way – challenge your thoughts and remember times when you succeeded rather than focusing on failures and negative outcomes.

Ultimately, overgeneralization is a symptom of a larger problem, usually a type of anxiety. Addressing this single symptom may help alleviate others related to your anxiety, but addressing the core issue is also important.

We have all done it before. Someone is telling us a story and we forge ahead, jumping to a conclusion. It may or may not be correct, but we’re convinced that we know the outcome.

In cognitive behavioral therapy, jumping to conclusions is a symptom of an underlying condition, such as panic disorder, anxiety or depression. It is intrinsically tied to negative thinking patterns, similar to overgeneralization and related cognitive distortions.

What Is Jumping to Conclusions?

Jumping to a conclusion is a phrase used to describe a situation in which someone leaps to a conclusion without sufficient information to justify it. There are many different ways people jump to conclusions, as well, including the following:

• Inference-Observation Confusion: In this situation, you infer something using logic, but mistake it for something that you observed physically. For instance, seeing someone wearing flashy jewelry and believing that person is very wealthy. The truth is that you simply observed them wearing jewelry, which made you believe that the person is wealthy.

• Casual Assumption: People rely on intuition, but it can lead to mistakes. For instance, you might assume that because someone is not smiling while you speak to them, they are angry at you, when in truth they are preoccupied with something else and their lack of a smile has nothing to do with you, personally.

• Reading Minds: Here, we assume that we know what someone else is thinking, usually in a negative sense, and generally tied to how they have acted in our presence. For example, if someone does not say reply when you say good morning, you might assume that they are thinking that they dislike you.

• Overgeneralization: Overgeneralization is often recognized as a cognitive distortion in its own right, but it can also play a role in jumping to conclusions. Here, you assume that because you experienced negative results from an action once, you will always experience negative results from that action. It is often accompanied by thoughts like “I can’t do anything right”, or feeling that no one likes you.

• Extreme Extrapolation: This one is similar to overgeneralization, and it involves taking a minor incident and extrapolating something major (and negative) from it. This is often worst-case scenario thinking.

• Fortune Telling: This form of jumping to conclusions means assuming you’ll know what is going to happen in the future. Someone who is fortune telling might assume they’re going to do a bad job on a project at work before they ever start.

• Labeling: Labeling means that someone makes assumptions about others based on opinions or behaviors stereotypically associated with a group they are not a part of. For instance, someone who engages in labeling might assume that their female friend doesn’t enjoy video games since they assume only men play games.

Keep in mind that overlap can be involved between types of jumping to conclusions. As an example, labeling is a form of overgeneralizing, and several forms of jumping to conclusions are also types of casual assumptions.

Examples of Jumping to Conclusions

To get a better understanding of how jumping to conclusions works, looking at a few examples of this way of thinking can help. Below are a few of the ways that someone might experience jumping to conclusions:

• Yoshi sends a text message to Carrie after a great first date. When she doesn’t instantly respond, he assumes she is no longer interested in seeing him.

• Dan has trouble with math and has an exam coming up. He assumes he’ll do terribly. That leads to him not studying since it seems there’s no point.

• Anyta walks into the office and her boss doesn’t smile at her. She assumes he is mad at her about something. She spends the morning thinking about what she might have done wrong.

• Emma is in front of several colleagues when she has a panic attack. She believes everyone who sees it will think badly of her due to having anxiety. She’s sure her boss will fire her if they find out about her anxiety.

In all of these examples, someone is jumping to conclusions. All the people assume that they know what is going to happen in the future or what other people are thinking about a situation.

How to Stop Jumping to Conclusions

While we all jump to conclusions from to time, for some of us, it is a set pattern of behavior, often tied to anxiety or panic disorder. However, there are ways to stop jumping to conclusions.

• Remember When You Were Wrong: One tip is to remember times when you jumped to the wrong conclusion. Could this one be similar?

• Slow Down and Think: Instead of going with whatever your immediate assumption is, stop yourself. Take time to consider the situation before you come to a conclusion.

• Consider the Facts: Before coming to a conclusion, make sure you get all the information you can find. This lets you consider a variety of factors before you make a decision or judge something.

• The Whole Picture: Do you see the whole picture? Do you have all the information to make an informed decision?

• Challenge Your Thinking: If you notice you are making assumptions, spend a moment challenging whatever conclusions came to you. Would there be some other explanation that would also fit?

• Ask Questions: When you find yourself making assumptions about someone else and what they think, practice simply asking them. Communicating to get an answer will prevent some of your confusion.

• Check the Evidence: What evidence do you have to support the conclusion you’re drawing? Are your thoughts based on facts or feelings?

• Step in Someone Else’s Shoes: Put yourself in someone else’s shoes and think about the conclusions they might draw. How would they interpret things? What information would they need to get the right conclusion?

Jumping to conclusions can lead to negative situations and thoughts. It is important to stop, think things through, and then make an informed decision. It is also important to treat the underlying panic, depression or anxiety disorder that leads to this type of pattern.

We tend to feel that our brains work in a logical, well-ordered manner. We believe things because they’re true. However, that is not always the case. Cognitive distortions, such as blaming, over-generalization, and jumping to conclusions all result in negative thinking. So challenging these cognitive distortions is a key aspect of cognitive behavioral therapy. “Control Fallacies” are one such way people’s distorted thinking can get the better of them.

What Are Control Fallacies?

Control fallacies are precisely that – fallacious beliefs about our control (or lack thereof) over a situation. There are two ways that these fallacies work:

• Hyper Control – In some situations, you may feel that you are so in control of everything that anything that goes wrong is inherently your fault. This is similar to personalization and leads to feeling that you have failed other people, and a deep sense of guilt. You may even feel responsible for other people’s behavior and thoughts and somehow believe that it has something to do with you.

• Out of Control – On the other end of the spectrum, we have a situation in which you feel completely out of control. In this situation, you feel that everything is outside of your control, or that you cannot have an impact on a situation, even though the truth is that you have control over many factors. In a way, you feel that you are a powerless victim of fate. It can lead to blaming others for situations where you had a degree of control, blaming luck for how things turned out, and focusing on other external forces you feel deserve the blame.

Who Is Most at Risk of Control Fallacies?

While many people can suffer from control fallacies, they most commonly affect individuals who suffer from depression, anxiety and panic disorders, and those who have abuse or trauma in their pasts.

How to Overcome Control Fallacies

While control fallacies can wreak havoc on your life, it is possible to exert a degree of control here. This applies to both types of distortion.

• Be Honest with Yourself – First, be honest with yourself about the level of control or responsibility involved. If you feel that it is your fault but you have no control over or responsibility here, realize that your brain is misinforming you. Likewise, if you feel that you have no control, but there are things within your control in the situation, such as poor quality of work in a rushed project, then take responsibility for those things.

• Question Yourself – Before deciding whether you are responsible or not, ask yourself a couple of questions. “Am I sure about this?” Use this opportunity to look deeper into the situation and determine where your responsibility lies. “Am I really sure about this?” Use this as a chance to reexamine the assumptions you’ve made or conclusions you have reached. Are they accurate and honest? Or are they informed by negative thinking, rather than facts?

In both types of control fallacy, understand that negative thinking is the cause. When you feel that you’re either being controlled by external forces, or you feel that everything is your responsibility, focus on your breathing and look more deeply into the situation.

By David Shepard

The last nine months have been quite an adjustment for everyone around the world. Forced isolation, worries about getting Coronavirus, increased depression and anxiety, job loss and death are among the numerous things we have had to deal with during this global pandemic. As California begins another Shelter in Place Order, it is important to reflect on how you can take care of yourself, so that you can go through this quarantine in a way that is healthy and beneficial for you.

Our bodies are a collection of systems that all work together to keep us functioning

Our bodies are a collection of systems that all work together to keep us functioning. If there is a problem with one system, it disrupts the whole system. So when looking at how you want to take care of yourself during the Shelter in Place Orders, you have to focus on both your physical system and your mental system.

Things that are important for your physical system to function well are

• to be mindful of what put in your body

• how you use your body

• listening to your body

• and caring for your body

Some examples of caring for you physical system include

• getting eight hours of sleep every night

• eating foods low in sugar, fat, and sodium

• drinking eight glasses of water

• and doing at least twenty minutes of physical exercise daily

Things that are important for your mental system include

• doing things you enjoy

• being present during daily activities

• connecting with people you care about

• setting and achieving goals

• having compassion for yourself and others

• and allowing yourself to experience both positive and negative emotions as they come

Some examples of caring for your mental system are

• walking around a park with a loved one

• practicing deep breathing exercises when you feel anxious

• remembering that things are temporary when feeling discouraged

• journaling when you’re over thinking

• drawing when you feel sad

• or taking a warm bath with music when you’re feeling stressed

Doing things that nurture both your physical and mental systems are the key to adjusting to another Shelter in Place Order.

If you are interested in getting support on how to stay happy and healthy during this second Shelter in Place Order, please contact us at Therapynowsf for your free consultation.

By David Shepard

With the devastating impact of coronavirus on the world, and the uncertainty of how long its adverse consequences will affect our lives, many people have developed increased anxiety. The worry and fears of possibly getting coronavirus every time you leave your house or come into contact with another person can be overwhelming. Continuous worries like this cause anxiety that can have a negative impact on your physical health and emotional health. So how can one reduce this anxiety while still living in a world plagued by coronavirus?

deep breathing exercises

One proven technique that has been shown to reduce anxiety is intentional deep breathing exercises.

In addition to anxiety, deep breathing exercises have been associated with meditation, mindfulness, praying, anger management and reduction of depression. The reason why deep breathing exercises are so good for anxiety is because this type of breathing stimulates our parasympathetic nervous system, which is the system in our body that promotes feelings of relaxation. Research has also shown that when practiced regularly, intentional deep breathing exercises lower cortisol levels, which relate to stress.

The great thing about intentional deep breathing exercises is that it’s free to do, you can do it anywhere, and you don’t need any equipment to do it. There are many different ways to do intentional deep breathing exercises. One way of doing intentional deep breathing is called box breathing.

box breathing

To do box breathing, you…

1. Inhale slowly and deeply through your nose for a count of four seconds.

2. Then you hold that air in for another four seconds.

3. Then you slowly exhale through your mouth for a count of four seconds.

4. You repeat this whole process again after four seconds, which makes this a square pattern.

To see a major impact of box breathing or intentional deep breathing in general, you have to practice it consistently.  Practicing box breathing one to two times a day will get results of reduced anxiety and stress.  Also, engaging in these exercises for five to ten minutes is ideal.

If you are interested in additional help tackling anxiety, please contact us at TherapyNowSF for your free consultation. 

By Cheryl Tien, M.S.

Regardless of your political beliefs, you may be experiencing some stress, worry, or anxiety as we approach election day on November 3rd. These feelings may be heightened with the current COVID-19 global pandemic. During these times, it’s important to be sure to pay attention to how your body is responding to what you are reading or seeing. Listed below are some tips to cope with your election-related stress.

1. Take media breaks. You might be feeling like you need to keep up with the news, especially with everything that we have happening in our communities right now. But remember that the news media’s goal is to shock and get strong reactions from us so that we keep watching. Consider taking breaks from watching or reading the news to give yourself a chance to process and calm down after taking it all in.
   

2. Try to focus on what you can control. Hearing any news can be stressful, but election news could feel particularly stressful. You may have feelings of losing control or hopelessness. Focusing on the things in your life that you can control will help reduce those feelings. These things don’t necessarily have to be election-related activities unless you want them to be. Is there a new hobby you’ve been thinking about picking up?  Doing something new or giving yourself other things to focus on will help distract you from the news.
   

3. Plan for how you’re spending election night. If you’re worried about election night, think about the kind of support you might want for that night. Do you want to be around your loved ones? Do a virtual election night party. Rather spend time with yourself but are worried you might be stressed out? Plan to practice lots of self-care that day. Have a bubble bath, do that face mask, or play those video games!
   

4. Plan a fun event for after election day. Having something to look forward to after the election will help you focus less on the election and more on other things happening in your life. Or it could just a planned election debrief you have with your support networks to help you process. Either way, it’s important to make sure you’re finding ways to take care of your self after the election.  

By Dr. Andrea Zorbas

Most of us have used a mental filter in many areas of our lives. It may have been work, school, relationships, or even our own abilities. A mental filter is similar to overgeneralizing where you focus your attention on one negative piece of information and filter out everything else.

Examples of Mental Filters

• Can you think of a time where your romantic partner did something hurtful and then apologized and tried to make up for it, but you filtered out all the times when they have done nice things for you and focused on the one negative time?

• Or that time when your boss gave you a criticism and you only focused on that criticism, forgetting all the times where she told you positives about your performance.

So how do you deal with Mental Filters?

The first step is noticing that you are doing it. By being able to say to yourself, “I’m filtering out all the positives and just focusing on this one negative thing”. Then remind yourself of the positives to balance out your thinking.

access this link to read the complete article at www.sfist.com:

With Unhealthy Air Conditions Hanging Over San Francisco, Residents Struggle With Their Mental Health — Isolated Indoors

By Pooja Mamidanna, AMFT

Note: Artist Unknown

I would like to provide some education on the importance of how seeking happiness first begins with you and then amongst your larger community.

As human beings, we often seek most of our happiness from external objects (friendships, relationships, family, materialistic goods, etc.) 

Human beings are definitely relational beings, we crave that emotional connection. However, due to our cultural upbringing, attachment styles can be varied. If we did not receive the attachment we required during our childhood; this can cause a lot of interpersonal/intrapersonal stressors throughout our lifespan. As we try to navigate our lives in our relationships, these attachment issues that have not been worked through show up in different areas of our lives.

To find happiness and work through this, it is important to understand that self-love and happiness can be two sides of the same coin. It first begins with YOU, then it begins seeking this through other mediums. The greatest relationship you must have first is with yourself. Only when one spends time alone and is able to find their happiness within, will everything else fall into place. 

The problem of seeking happiness from external objects is, we tend to have a lot of “expectations” from others. When these expectations are not met, we start to project our emotions in these relationships and we are left with disappointment.

Furthermore, as a society, there are a lot of cultural factors that can come in the way of seeking our own happiness (such as our religious, ethnic, and cultural norms).

Therefore, it is important to assess/reflect:

1.)   How can you start taking care of yourself and loving yourself?

2.)   How can you begin to depend on yourself?

3.)   How can you manage the expectations and irrational thoughts we hold on others?

4.)   How can we have better personal boundaries with all domains in our life?

If you are struggling with this and can relate, psychotherapy would be a good place to start as well as reading literature and books.

You can also, look up the website (therapistaid.com) there are plenty of resources there that are easy to read and can help you begin thinking and working on this.

By Pooja Mamidanna, AMFT

BIPOC = Black, Indigenous and People of Color.

July is BIPOC Mental Health Awareness Month. I wanted to use this blog post to provide education on how this movement started and how can we as individuals do our part to support this.

“This movement was acknowledged in June 2008 by Bebe Moore Campbell (An American Author, journalist, teacher and mental health advocate) to bring awareness to the unique struggles that underrepresented groups face in regard to mental illness in the United States. Bebe worked tirelessly to shed light on the mental health needs of the Black community and other underrepresented communities. In effort to continue the visionary work of Bebe Moore Campbell, each year Mental Health America develops a public education campaign dedicated to addressing the needs of BIPOC.”  

As an immigrant woman of color, there is not a day that goes by when I don’t reflect on the privilege I hold in my life. The reflection of my privilege began as a young child. When you are raised in an immigrant family, you are always educated on this. My family worked hard for generations to provide me with this life.

I grew up in an orthodox South Indian family. While I was very happy to learn about my family’s ethics/values towards their professional goals, I was also disappointed with some of the systemic racist ideologies they had of other populations of color! I can reflect back to being in the second grade, questioning and arguing with their ideologies. This is something I still do with my family as well, by providing constant education to dismantle the antiracist ideologies present in my family’s belief system.

My education towards cultural competency began at my school. I had the privilege of studying in an international school from kindergarten to grade 12, I had friends from different walks of life and very few South Asian classmates. Majority of my friends are biracial and have multiethnic backgrounds.

My education towards cultural humility began, when I started my journey studying psychology and pursuing my career to be a Psychotherapist. I’m grateful to my amazing professors, clinical supervisors and mentors for challenging me further and making me reflect on the privileges I bring into the therapy room.

The reason I’m writing about privilege is, right now more than ever, our brothers and sisters from these beautiful communities need us to step up our game of advocacy.

We are all aware of the COVID -19 racial pandemic we are currently residing in. This ongoing multigenerational racial trauma causes severe impairments for the mental health and wellbeing for our communities of color. 

We need to come together in solidarity to collectively grow and heal together as a community.

It really is simple- for any systemic change to occur we first need to start with our personal and professional communities). It is time to start having tough conversations that might feel uncomfortable at first. However, you will only grow as an individual when you learn to sit with the discomfort. We need to put in the work by engaging in the following steps:

1.) SELF AWARENESS

Recognizing your own antiracist ideologies

2.) SELF EDUCATION

What do you know? What don’t you know? What would you like to learn?

3.) SELF REFLECTION

Reflecting on what you have been taught. What are you holding onto?).

4.) ACTION/MAINTENANCE

Now that you are more educated and will continue to educate yourself, what are some steps you’re going to take to be an advocate?

Although I might have been provided this strong educational foundation as a child and through my career as a Psychologist, I am STILL learning every day.  I am constantly reflecting, educating myself and advocating in the work that I engage in, personally and professionally.

Remember this is not a sprint, it is a marathon. Let’s continue to learn, reflect, educate and advocate.

Check out the resources below to learn more, reflect, educate and advocate.

Mental Health America BIPOC MENTAL HEALTH MONTH

https://mhanational.org/bipoc-mental-health

MH America : In the Open Podcast Series

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/in-the-open/id1462368967?i=1000481713875

The BIPOC Project

https://www.thebipocproject.org/about-us

The Happiness Lab: How to be a better Ally (podcast )

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-happiness-lab-with-dr-laurie-santos/id1474245040?i=1000480086006

Guide to Being an Anti-Racism Activist: 

https://www.thoughtco.com/things-you-can-do-to-help-end-racism-3026187

Anti-racism resources:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1BRlF2_zhNe86SGgHa6-VlBO-QgirITwCTugSfKie5Fs/mobilebasic

Guide to Ally Ship

https://guidetoallyship.com/

The Mother of all Black Lives Matter Resource Doc

https://docs.google.com/document/u/1/d/e/2PACX-1vSrT26HMWX-_hlLfiyy9s95erjkOZVJdroXYkU-miaHRk58duAnJIUWKxImRkTITsYhwaFkghS8sfIF/pub?utm_medium=shoppable&utm_source=planoly#h.c0pszbm7zg89

Guidelines for Being Strong White Allies

https://www.racialequitytools.org/resourcefiles/kivel3.pdf

How Latinx People Can Fight Anti-Black Racism in Our Own Culture

https://www.teenvogue.com/story/how-latinx-people-can-fight-anti-black-racism-in-our-own-culture

Asian Ally ship & Accountability

http://www.bgdblog.org/2015/02/become-oppressive-ally-asians-anti-blackness-accountability/

Family­Care, Community­Care and Self­Care Tool Kit: Healing in the Face of Cultural Trauma: 

https://d3i6fh83elv35t.cloudfront.net/newshour/app/uploads/2016/07/07-20-16-EEC-Trauma-Response-Community-and-SelfCare-TookKit-1.pdf

#BIPOCMentalHealthMonth⁠ #mentalhealthamerica⁠

#ImpactOfTrauma⁠

#BIPOCMentalHealthAwarenessMonth⁠

#BIPOCmhm⁠

#BIPOCmhm20 #mentalhealthareness #mentalhealthadvocate #psychology 

By Pooja Mamidanna AMFT (103485)

Relationships requires patience, time, and hard work. This applies to any relationship you hold in your life, be it a professional or personal one.

Something that I learnt from my therapist and like to educate my clients on are the 4 C’s that constitute a healthy relationship:

1.CARINGNESS

It is important to show mutual respect and authenticity in your relationship. This will help strengthen your relationship.

2.COMPASSION

We need to be empathetic and kind to other individuals. As the saying goes “you must treat others how you wish to be treated”.  

3. COMMUNICATION

It is imperative to not use degrading language, paying special attention to our non-body language (making sure your tone of voice matches facial expressions), and it is useful to communicate in I statements.

If you are not getting something from a relationship, it useful to communicate with others what your expectations are, what you want/need, and what is currently missing from the relationship.

As human beings are not mind readers, despite having known someone for years, months etc. you need to communicate what you are thinking and feeling.

4.COMMITMENT

A relationship is built on trust and honesty, once that has been broken it becomes harder to heal from this. 

When utilizing the 4 C’s think of it as a new seed you have just potted. In order for the plant to grow you need to care, nurture and nourish it. Over time the sapling grows, gaining leaves, branches, and stronger roots. It becomes healthy with the right handling and care. Such are human relationships as well. 

Resources:

THINKING ERRORS

https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/cbt-thinking-errors.pdf

REFLECTION COMMUNICATION SKILLS:

https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/reflections-communication.pdf

RELATIONSHIP CONFLICT RESOLUTION

https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/relationship-conflict-resolution.pdf

I STATEMENTS

https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/i-statements.pdf

FAIR FIGHTING RULES

https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/fair-fighting-rules.pdf

By David Shepard

In a society fueled by ads, entertainment and social media highlighting certain body types as ideal or perfect, it’s no wonder why so many people struggle with body dissatisfaction, dieting, and obsessions over image. The marketing industry makes billions of dollars off of our insecurities. So how does one maintain a positive body image while hearing so many messages telling you that your body is not good enough and that you need to look like something you are not? Achieving a positive body image does not come from one single change or step, but rather a reorganizing of multiple aspects of one’s life.

The aspects that are important to nurture on your journey to body positivity are:

• health

• self care

• self-love

• your own definition of beauty

• and building community

To start moving towards a positive body image, it’s important to know what to move away from and what to move towards. Having a positive body image involves being open to a lifetime of exploration of tools that help you feel freedom around your body image with love, acceptance, appreciation and uniqueness of your body. Having a static goal oriented view of what your body should be only plays into the message that something is wrong with your body. Instead of focusing on a weight loss program or step by step program, focus on a whole person health model.

A whole person health model involves a practical journey of self-inquiry based on health, self care and self-love. So there is no idealized image of a healthy person or body type that you are working to be. Instead you are coming to understand and celebrate the diversity of beauty and health. Strict rules on dieting and exercising are replaced with attunement of your body and health through self-care.

The last important aspect of feeling positive about your body image is to be around people who support positive self talk around body image and who also celebrate the diversity of beauty. Because we are constantly receiving messages from the world about idealized ways of being, it’s important that we nurture a community of people around us that send messages of love, diversity, and acceptance.

If you are wanting support on your journey to body positivity, please contact us at Therapynowsf for your free consultation.

By Annika Miyamoto

Sometimes life can throw us a curve ball whether it’s a recent breakup of a longterm relationship or divorce. Or sometimes the curve ball means the end of a job or career and in some frightening cases a new medical diagnosis. But life changes do not always have to be negative, rather, they can be somewhat neutral or even welcomed changes. The common denominator for all of these situations is that often times feelings of fear or different emotions can accompany any sort of change in one’s life that brings up “stuff”. And how does one manage or makes sense of the “stuff” that comes up emotionally for them during life changes?

Seeking therapy is not always for the purposes of dealing with major depression or other psychological diagnoses. Rather it can be a safe place, free from judgment, for someone to openly talk about what is coming up for them emotionally in dealing with change. There are a myriad of ways a therapist can support someone during unsure times whether it is teaching new coping skills or listening. Therapy can offer new perspectives and increased self-confidence as one eases into the next chapter of life. 

By Pooja Mamidanna AMFT (103485)

On March 19th 2020 California issued the state wide shelter in place order due to COVID-19. It been more than a month. This has been quite the ongoing adjustment for us all trying to navigate our lives during this pandemic personally and professionally. 

I have noticed with my partner, friends/family, clients and myself the roller coaster of emotions one can be experiencing. For instance, we can go through a few days or a week of “feeling really good for a few days, feeling okay/alright, feeling highly anxious/stressed, feelings of frustration/irritability/anger and feeling of loneliness and sadness.”

As human beings when things are not going the way we wish for them to be going, when things are wrong and not right; we tend to focus only on what is wrong in our lives. We do not reflect on what Is right or the positive aspects in our lives. I have been guilty of doing this myself as well over the last month, when I am getting in the cycle of anxiety. 

Something that I try to live my life by and what I educate my clients, friends, and family on the “silver lining or that light at the end of the tunnel”. During this time, I gently encourage you to utilize this following mindset. I am not going to lie; some days are easier said than done. However, it has really been helpful for myself as well as when I am teaching my clients about focusing on what is right in their lives; the positives. By thinking about the silver lining. 

This can be done by challenging your mind, body and soul to get out of the corona blues funk and to think about:

• How can you use your time in a way that benefits you? (Developing that New Skill set for your personal and professional lives or Hobby you have always wanted to)

• Are there some tv shows, movies or documentaries you want to catch up on?

• New and Old friends/family you want to check in with? (I am sure we are also tired by now about the virtual work meetings and virtual socials, so maybe writing them an email or snail mail maybe?)

• Perhaps creating a daily gratitude journal that will help? (Starting your day and ending your day with “two things you are grateful for that happened in the day or you were proud”.)

• Creating a daily Routine. (Making sure you plan your day, week and weekends)

• Developing healthy habits such as eating healthy, healthy sleeping habits and exercise.

(I love lifting weights but have no stamina when it comes to HIIT work outs or yoga, I have been trying to build my skills on this.) There are many free resources that are available on the internet. The Fitness and Health industry are hosting live work out sessions, meditation and yoga sessions. Take advantage of your resources. I have been hosting virtual work out sessions with my friends and family.

I guess what I am trying to say is, we are all slowed down right now and we are not going to get this time back as well. So, let’s try to look at this with a positive spin of developing some skills, engaging in a new hobby, doing some DIY home projects, practicing gratitude etc. I guarantee you with that positive intention and mindset, these things can also make you feel good about yourself.

The truth is once this is all over in due time, we will come out of this stronger than ever. Until then, be safe, stay healthy and positive with your mindset.

You have got this!

Resources

Self-Care Tips

https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/self-care-tips.pdf

Positive Steps to well-being

https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/positive-steps-to-wellbeing.pdf

Gratitude Journal

https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/gratitude-journal-three-good-things.pdf

https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/gratitude-journal.pdf

By Neko Milton

The measure of our success during these unparalleled times will be how well we cope today, at this very moment. What’s reassuring is that we have easy, internal tools readily available to us. One important tool is our capacity for positive emotions. Even when it feels paradoxical, feeling positive emotions (love, gratitude, joy) in the midst of a global crisis can promote resilience (Fredrickson, Tugade, Waugh, & Larkin, 2003).

“Resilience” is having the ability to adapt well in the face of adversity. Resilient people know how to manage stress effectively to optimize performance, engagement, and focus. And importantly, resilient people also allow themselves time to rest. Then they repeat the cycle. After sufficient rest, they can focus their attention to take on difficult tasks. This, of course, is the challenge. In the midst of prolonged stress, how can we cope?

Social connection: Keep your physical distance, but stay connected

One of our greatest human strengths is our desire to connect, to help, and to give to others in times of stress. We crave hugs, closeness, and togetherness. The biggest change in our lives is having regular, face-to-face social interaction. But what is especially challenging about the COVID-19 pandemic is that there are mental health challenges that may arise as a consequence of the social isolation required of us in order to protect others from the spread of the virus. In many ways, this viral pandemic may be fueling a loneliness pandemic (Santos & Zaki, 2020). So remember to search for the light in these dark times. 

Reference: 

Fredrickson B.L., Tugade M.M., Waugh C.E., Larkin G. (2003). What good are positive emotions in crises?: A prospective study of resilience and emotions following the terrorist attacks on the United States on September 11th, 2001 Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 84, 365–376

Santos, L. & Zaki, J. (The Happiness Lab). (2020, March 16). Coronavirus BONUS: Beat Your Isolation Loneliness [Audio podcast]. Retrieved from https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/coronavirus-bonus-beat-your-isolation-loneliness/id1474245040?i=1000468548405