The Power of Saying No: Improve Your Mental Health and Set Boundaries

Let's talk about the power of saying no. I get excited about this topic because I think we are living in a society that really values working all the time and doing things all the time and experiences and there's nothing wrong with any of that, but when it goes too far, that is when our mental health and our physical health suffer. And so there is something really beautiful in not feeling like you're people pleasing all the time and saying yes to everything, just so you don't hurt somebody's feeling. But the power of saying no in ways that you can do that. And it really will help someone self care and their boundary setting and just reduce stress and overall improve your mental health.

Why Saying No is Difficult?

But there's a reason why people don't do it all the time. And so why is saying no so difficult? We have a fear of disappointing others, like I mentioned, being perceived as unkind. That's a big one. We have both societal pressures and cultural pressures to always be accommodating. And then by saying no or not doing something you then have a lot of guilt around that or even sometimes shame around that. And it feels guilty to prioritize your personal needs over other people's asks or demands.

So the benefits, I'm going to go over the benefits again, because it's a big deal. I'll go in a little deeper about it. So, you protect your time, you protect your energy, and it helps you focus on what really does matter to you. You're prioritizing what's important to you. We all have a limited amount of time. The days go by so quickly. So you are protecting your time and prioritizing it. It can help you reduce feelings of overwhelm and burnout. It can strengthen your self respect and reinforce your personal boundaries. And it also encourages healthier and more balanced relationships. That's the goal, is balanced relationships. And of course that's not, it's not going to look like that in every relationship. But if there's one that's really off kilter, this is where the power of saying no is going to be huge. And you're setting boundaries and trying to balance it out a little bit more.

When to Say No

So times when you should say no or can say no.

So situations where the request conflicts with your personal values or priorities. So you're going to want to always be very clear about your personal values, and then getting clear on what your priorities are too. If you're agreeing to something and then that's going to lead to being overcommitted. Which overcommitment then usually leads to exhaustion, which leads to stress, which, you know. We go where it leads. It's just a downward spiral. And then lastly, if someone's request feels unfair. Or go to the next level, they even feels manipulative. That is a great time to say no.

So how do you say no, effectively? You're going to want to be clear. And direct so politely and firmly communicate your decision. And sometimes that means giving a rationale. Sometimes it doesn't mean that. Sometimes the rationale might be, this is what I need right now. Or, I've been really stressed lately, and so I'm trying to take care of myself more. That's your reason.

You want to use I statements. So something along the lines of, I can't take this on right now, or I'd really love to go on a walk with you, but I busy cooking dinner right now. And that feels more important. Not my best example, but you get it.

And then you're going to want to maybe offer alternatives. So maybe it's not the right time. So you can suggest another time or doing something that maybe fits your needs a little bit more. Or suggesting other things that sound more interesting to you.

And, the best way to be able to do this is going to be practice. And by practicing in low stakes situations and rehearsing what to do, it becomes easier in those high stakes situations.

Overcoming Guilt and Fear

And once you start doing this, you are going to have to overcome some of the guilt and fear that are, naturally, understandably going to come up. And so ways to do that are, you remind yourself that it's not selfish and that's necessary for your wellbeing. And when you can show up in a healthier mental state for yourself, you're going to show up in a healthier mental state for somebody else. And so in the long run, the bigger picture of all of that, it's actually better for your relationship with that person.

Another piece is you wanna reflect on how saying yes to others may mean you're saying no to yourself. And that's something to really look into.

And lastly, being able to understand why healthy boundaries are so important and how it can lead and does lead to mutual respect in relationships.

So in conclusion, this process is not easy and. If it was, we would all do it all the time. But it can be quite transformative. And if you can use it as a tool and do it with kindness and compassion towards both yourself and others, you will notice your mental health increase, you will notice less stress and you'll also probably notice a healthier relationship with whoever you're doing this with.

And if this is something that maybe you've struggled with a long time and it's feels too hard to tackle on your own, this can be where talking to a therapist can be really helpful. And that way you can learn ways to build your assertiveness skills and set better boundaries.