Navigating Family Conflict During the Holidays: Tips and Strategies

Let's talk about dealing with family conflict during the holidays. I think that's something most of us can relate to. It's holiday time. A lot of us are going to be with our families or we already were with our family for Thanksgiving.

This is common, right? This is something that when you spend a lot of time together with somebody and we have different personalities, there's high expectations, there's desires of what we think things should be like. And so that in and of itself is often going to create conflict.

Common Causes of Family Conflict During the Holidays

So some of the reasons why conflict happens is this idea of these unmet expectations.

We see from media we should have this perfect holiday. That's not usually the case. And so that in and of itself can lead to some disappointment and conflict.

With family members, you've got different personalities, there's different worldviews, opinions, communication styles. It's not necessarily your friend group or the people that you have chosen to be around. So it's gonna be maybe different from the person that you are.

And then, during this time, there's a lot of stress just preparing for it. Maybe you're traveling. There's a social obligations. So that in itself is just going to trigger your own and other people's irritability. And just fatigue.

It's your family. And so old resentments resurface. How can they not so unresolved issues from your past family interactions, just old relationship challenges. Those things rear their head.

And lastly it can be common to have alcohol at events and that can often lead to poor judgment or just, you're more irritable, or there's more heightened conflict you're more apt to say something you don't mean, you're more impulsive.

So all of those things are why it's just such a common thing to have conflict during the holidays.

How Family Conflict Impacts Mental Health

So how does this conflict impact one's mental health? It's going to increase your anxiety or stress.

It's just going to make it where you're just having heightened emotional tension.

Depending on what conversations happen and what people say, sometimes people say really hurtful things or they're critical, family members can be critical. It can really impact your self worth or your self esteem.

And lastly, it can just be totally emotionally exhausting and leave you feeling drained and just emotionally depleted and frustrated.

Strategies for Preventing and Managing Family Conflict

So let's talk about the strategies for preventing and then managing this conflict. So going into the holidays, just set realistic expectations. It's not going to be perfect. Try to, if you're thinking of what pastimes have been like, there needs to be some acceptance that it could be challenging again.

And once you have that mindset, it can make it a little bit easier to get through it. And then for yourself, you're going to want to practice mindful communication. So try to avoid interrupting. You want to actively listen and try to respond without being defensive and empathetic. And being empathetic, not defensive, but being empathetic. And I think obviously that's easier said than done, but I think if you can go into it with the right attitude, I think you can practice it and it can happen.

And then you're going to want to set boundaries. So when different topics come up that maybe are sensitive politics is a big one or religion or, lifestyle choices. You can decide how you want to set those personal boundaries and how you want to manage those type of conversations.

And then take breaks when you need to if you need to step away when interactions get really stressful to reset, take a walk go into the kitchen and help prepare something, whatever that looks like to try to give yourself a moment to rest and refresh yourself.

And lastly, you're going to want to limit alcohol consumption. That is going to again help with the impulsivity being confrontational, being overly emotional. Any of those things.

How to Respond to Family Conflict in the Moment

And so how do you respond to conflict in the moment? Think of de-escalation techniques, like speaking slowly, staying calm, avoid raising your voice.

You're going to want to be as solution focused as possible. So instead of Blaming, you're trying to find a solution.

And then again, knowing if you need to walk away, if things emotions get too high, tensions are too high, remove yourself until things get calmer.

And then lastly, with this is try to validate somebody else's emotions, acknowledge their feelings. Saying things like, I understand this is frustrating for you. I understand. I can imagine that this is, upsetting. And that can help reduce some defensiveness.

And, during this time, it's. A lot. And so it's okay if these things aren't working and you may need to reach out to the therapist for some extra support and be able to work out some unresolved family trauma that you have some just family dynamics relationships. What somebody triggers in you just how it impacts your self esteem, being able to prepare yourself. Sometimes when I talk to clients, I talk to them about, sometimes it's your family members are so predictable, even what they're going to bring up, how they're going to bring it up, what they're going to say to the word.

You can practice different just canned things that you can say to somebody. So that way it can diffuse a situation or put boundaries around it or deescalate it. And so if you have those kind of in the back of your mind, you just have a little script for yourself. And that's a way that a therapist can be really helpful with that.

And, just do your best to prioritize your mental health. So do the things that help. Try to get as much sleep as possible. Try to limit your stress. Try to eat healthy. Try to have meaningful interactions and lower those expectations of what a family holiday should look like.

And if any of this is something that, again, is still really challenging, that's when, we're here at Therapy Now SF to help you manage these family conflicts and just help protect your mental health.