Overcoming Self-Sabotage: Strategies for Personal Growth

Let's talk about self sabotage. It's something that we all do at some point. Some of us are a little bit more prone to doing it than others, or we do it more often. We might be doing it in our relationships, our career, or our personal growth.

Let me give you some common forms of self sabotage. Procrastination is a big one. So it's when you're delaying tasks despite knowing it will be harmful for yourself.

Another one is negative self talk. And so we have this internal dialogue that, in time diminishes self worth and confidence.

Another one is we have a fear of failure or fear of success. It can go either way. And so we avoid opportunities due to that fear of what the outcomes could be.

Another one is perfectionism. So we set unrealistic standards and then that leads to disappointment in an action. And I see this one a lot with people that tend to be more high achievers. It's I'm going to go to the gym at 6am and then I'm going to meditate and then I'm going to cook my meals for the day. And then I'm going to, and it's just okay, some people- 0.5% are able to do this insane task list. Most of us are not. And so we just set ourselves up for these unrealistic expectations and standards. And then we just feel so defeated by it.

And then the last one is overindulgence or avoidance. So we just engage in unhealthy habits, such things as overeating or maybe an abuse of substances. And we often do that to escape difficult emotions.

Psychological Roots of Self-Sabotage

So what are the psychological roots of self sabotage?

This is some interesting stuff. It's often some low self esteem. So we believe that we're unworthy of success or happiness. This can often trace back to childhood experiences, maybe interactions that you've had with parents or caregivers, or in school, maybe with teachers, coaches

Another root of it is a fear of change, so we prefer comfort and familiar patterns, even though sometimes those patterns are often really damaging but we know them, so we're not scared of something new.

Feelings of imposter syndrome, so having imposter syndrome, unworthy of our accomplishments, and then that leads to undermining our success.

And then lastly is unresolved trauma. So past negative experiences, they influence our current behaviors. So with trauma, it can be that anything bad can happen because you've had something horrible happen. And so you're just expecting it anyways, so you can't enjoy any success or anything positive because you're just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

How to Recognize Self-Sabotaging Behaviors

So ways to recognize self sabotaging behaviors. So you want to have self reflection about your actions and thought patterns and notice when they're hindering your progress.

Like with the procrastination stuff, that's a really maybe more obvious one. Are you constantly putting off tasks when you know they're important? And then notice what that domino effect is. You probably talk down to yourself. You probably feel bad that you're not able to do certain things.

And another example is, do you avoid opportunities? And just fearing that you're not going to get it or you're not good enough, so why bother, as opposed to trying for the opportunity and being okay that there might be some rejection or you might not get it and realizing that's okay too, at least you tried. So just trying to notice those things.

Strategies to Overcome Self-Sabotage

So some strategies for overcoming self sabotage. A little bit like we talked about. So identifying the triggers. When these situations happen, noticing these self sabotaging behaviors.

Another way to deal with it is set realistic goals. Like the example I gave before of you have this task list, that's just 50 things that you're supposed to do in one day. And nobody, not even a robot could get it done. So be realistic with these goals, break them down into smaller goals and manageable goals and giving yourself time to rest in between.

You're going to want to challenge negative thoughts. So when you notice these self critical thoughts come up, do more positive affirmations, talk kindly to yourself, have compassion to yourself.

That brings us into practicing self compassion. When you're see these setbacks, you're not going to berate yourself. You're going to be gentle and talk to yourself how you would talk to a friend.

And then lastly, maybe seeking some support. So whether that's with a friend or a coach getting coaching or support groups or therapy, of course.

Practical Tips for Daily Improvement

And some practical tips for some daily improvement. Some daily habits can be really helpful to help track your progress and to recognize self sabotaging behaviors and patterns.

Using mindfulness techniques to help you stay present and avoiding slipping into these automatic negative behaviors. And then when you do have these victories and sometimes these victories are small I don't think going to the gym is a small one because I think that can be really challenging. But if you do really be proud of yourself, really celebrate that. And that can build confidence of what you're able to do and your next task.

So to summarize all of this, you're going to start with you got to recognize it first. So having that self awareness, noticing what your triggers are, and then taking those practical steps to slowly chip away at when these self sabotaging behaviors happen.

And if you're finding that you're just not able to do that, which is true for a lot of us, because we get so ingrained in these habits and we feel like we just can't get out of these really negative patterns. And so then that's when you may want to seek support and reach out to a therapist. And they can help you break down what's happening, build insight, and then also together you can celebrate when you do have these victories that will inevitably happen.