Narcissism in the Workplace: Strategies for Management and Co-workers

Let's talk about the impact of narcissism in the workplace and strategies for management and coworkers. Narcissistic personality disorder, I feel like it's a little buzzy right now. And that's fine because I think our culture has developed where a lot of people have some characteristics of narcissism. But that doesn't mean they qualify for the diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder.

But in saying that it's okay to be able to know for yourself how to work with somebody who maybe is showing some of these traits and characteristics. So I'm going to talk about it in a general sense, and then also with somebody who maybe does actually have that diagnosis. And when you're working with somebody who has some narcissistic traits it's challenging whether they're above you, equal to you, or you're managing them.

And the receiving end can have a lot of negative mental health impact, for yourself. And when you leave the workplace and you questioning yourself. So it's important to be able to know how to manage that for yourself and how to manage the person, essentially, how to work with them.

Recognizing Narcissistic Behaviors in the Workplace

Some of the characteristics are a need for admiration, a lack of empathy, a tendency to belittle others, gaslighting can be common, making others feel less than. In team dynamics, or if someone's above you, it's really challenging, obviously, if someone's above you, and they're doing this, it can totally disrupt team cohesion, communication, workplace atmosphere, it can erode trust, and your ability to feel comfortable and safe to take risks, to be able to be yourself, essentially, authentic self.

Consequences of Unchecked Narcissism

It can decrease your job satisfaction, it increases stress, it can make you have self doubt, it can chip away at your own self esteem. There's challenges to productivity, decision making processes and, in general project outcomes.

Strategies for Management

Let's get into some management strategies. Let's start with setting boundaries. So boundaries are important for everybody whether it's narcissistic tendencies or not.

Setting clear boundaries looks like being able to express what you need, being able to say no to things, being able to appropriately say what doesn't work for you, how something even makes you feel. And, even like very basic, a boss that is showing these tendencies, wants you to consistently stay late or work later from home and, maybe every once in a while that can work for you or it's appropriate you have a project, but if this is a continual thing, or they're calling you on weekends or any of those it can be you explicitly saying, "I'm working between these hours, I can get back to you at this time," or maybe even not responding. My recommendation is always being communicative up front. If those boundaries aren't accepted or respected, then it maybe looks like not responding until, you're back in the office at 9am. Whatever.

Some other ways are, giving constructive feedback, ways that are clear and specific. Saying something like, "when we were in the team meeting this morning, when you said blank, it didn't feel constructive to me. It felt like you were putting me down. And I think in the future it'd be helpful if you gave me similar feedback and it could look like this."

And you're not attacking somebody. You're really talking about their behavior. You're not saying, you did this, you always make me feel blah, blah, blah, because of your personality. No, none of that. It is focusing on the behavior.

And then another piece would be being very Specific about what your role is.

And if it can be common that again, someone, I think one of the most challenging if someone's above you really, because that is a lack of power, right? Being able to explicitly say, " my role is this, it seems like so and so, maybe that would be more appropriate for them to do this other piece of the project."

Coping Strategies for Co-Workers

So some coping strategies when you're having to deal with someone who's displaying these characteristics is, maintaining some professional distance, protecting your own emotional health, it might mean you aren't as vulnerable with them about your personal life because maybe they use that against you or don't make you feel respected in what you're telling them.

So effective communication, like strategies that we talked before are if maybe somebody easily gets emotionally heated or things escalate, you're going to want to deescalate that situation by talking calmly in a low voice and not trying to trigger what's going on for them.

Lastly, and this is always an option, is to seek out extra support, and maybe that means trusted colleagues or, if needed, human resources. And I don't think that has to be a last resort. I think that can be, I would recommend trying some of the other things that we've just talked about, but it is totally appropriate to do either of those if it is become a toxic work environment for you.

Building a Supportive Work Environment

Building a supportive work environment. One of the best ways to do that is to promote empathy. Empathy is a great way to mitigate narcissistic behaviors. It's also just a great way to have a good work environment, but one of the ways to deal with somebody that has some narcissistic behaviors is, to give them empathy while at the same time setting your boundaries and having effective communication.

If you're in a position to train managers or other colleagues, I think it can be helpful to talk about different personality types and ways to have an inclusive work environment and ways to work with people that have diverse ways of doing things.

And having regular reviews can be really helpful, and that can be a way to give feedback that maybe doesn't feel as scary in the one-on-one process. You're still doing all the effective communication of focusing on behavior and being clear and direct, but it can be less scary than having a one-on-one.

Being Prepared

Narcissistic behaviors in the workplace are challenging. The reality is most of us will see it in some capacity. So having an expectation that is probably going to happen, get that support that you need from colleagues or outside colleagues, being able to express how it makes you feel to them, then having communication with the person in general, having empathy towards them while setting appropriate boundaries, talking about their behavior and what it was like for you.

And having even the awareness to know It's not you and you're not personalizing it. It is the person and their challenges and being able to have some distance between that.

Reach Out to a Professional

At Therapy Now SF, we work with a lot of people that have a lot of work stress. That's one of our main complaints that people come in wanting to work on. And sometimes it has to do with someone that they're working with or above them has narcissistic behaviors.

Sometimes it doesn't. But it can still be helpful to talk about all these different personality types. The best way to respond to somebody, not react to them, but to respond to them. And at Therapy Now SF, our therapists are very skilled at helping with those communication in that boundary setting.