Should Statements: Reframe the Way You Think
Updated October 25, 2024
By Dr. Andrea Zorbas
A “should statement” is a type of negative thinking pattern that can cause feelings of doubt and fear in a person. These types of statements are a form of cognitive distortion, and they can create a binary set of conditions or options in a person’s perception that can be unhealthy. These types of statements often make you feel guilty about something you have or haven’t done. They can make you feel as if you have failed.
The way a person thinks will play a huge role in how they feel. Negative thinking and should statements often cause people to develop stress and could manifest other mental health conditions. Some of the other words that are associated with these types of statements include “must” and “ought”.
People who have anxiety and/or depression will often use these types of statements when they are describing things that are happening in their lives, or when describing themselves. They feel that they should or must do or not do something. When they fail or fail to act, it can cause you to take a more negative and pessimistic view of your life. Others might find that the use of these types of statements can cause increased anxiety, as well as avoidance behaviors.
Examples of Should Statements
These types of statements can crop up nearly anywhere in your life. Let’s look at a few examples.
I must lose weight to look better
I ought to call the plumber
I should call my family more
He should’ve called me back
Although these statements might seem innocuous to some, they have dangerous potential. They are negative ways of thinking about things and they can often make a person feel frustrated when they don’t do or achieve what they put in their should statements.
Reframe the Should Statements
It can be difficult to break away from using these types of statements. Often, they become commonplace in a person’s life. You might not even realize that you are doing this to yourself. Take some time to think about the words you say out loud or that you think to yourself. You might find that you are using these should statements more often than you imagined. Fortunately, you can do something about it.
You will want to reframe the statements. First, though, don’t be too hard on yourself if you continue to think about and have these types of statements for a while. It’s hard to break habits. When you notice yourself using these statements, write them down. Look at what the statement is saying about yourself and think of the emotions that you are hoping to control with that statement. Consider why you are putting pressure on yourself with the statement.
Once you have a better understanding of it, you can then reframe and reword it so that you can swap out the “should” thoughts with others that are more realistic. You could say “I would like to lose weight and am working hard toward that goal in ways that are achievable for me” rather than using negative language. Do your best to not allow should statements or other negative thinking to dictate your life.