How can I help my child with their eating disorder?

By David Shepard, Psy.D.

Eating disorders can be a very severe and intense disorder for many people. It not only affects the person with the eating disorder but also their loved ones. No one wants to see their child suffering or making harmful choices. So once your child is in treatment and/or seeing a professional, what are some of the ways you can help your child on their journey to recovery from an eating disorder?

The first thing a parent can do is to know that it is not their fault that their child has an eating disorder. Eating disorders are very complex and have a variety of causes (societal beauty standards, social media, gender roles, perfectionism, control, etc). The focus should be less on who to blame but on how you can help your child and be a resource.  A great way of being a resource is to be a part of their treatment. Family therapy has a significant impact on people struggling with eating disorders. Although treatment programs and therapists will provide you with information about eating disorders, the more you can educate yourself on eating disorders, the more likely you will be able to understand your child’s struggles. 

Outside of treatment, modeling healthy behaviors can also play a major role in overcoming an eating disorder. Things that are helpful to talk about and/or model are self love, compassion, appreciation of all body types, balanced eating, balanced exercise, flexibility in gender expectations, healthy coping skills and social media literacy (unplugging, being aware of subtle messages, etc). Eating together has a family could be a time to model healthy behavior. Eating together should be light-hearted, enjoying each other company, talking about things that make each person feels good. Focusing on weight, dieting, calories, being perfect, physical appearance, strict gender expectations, harsh criticism, and bad/good food, should be avoided.  Another away you can be a resource to your child is to praise/congratulate them on achievements based on their abilities (academics, hobbies, volunteering, etc). Lastly, communication is an important tool in supporting your child with their eating disorder. Being open with your feelings, fully listening, being direct, using “I” statements, being calm, patient, caring and loving are all ways to communicate to your child that you support them and that they can you use as a resource during this difficult time. 

Because eating disorders negatively impact the whole family, supporting yourself also helps you support your child. Trying to help your child overcome an eating disorder can be overwhelming and challenging, so it is important that you have resources as well. If you would like support for yourself while you are helping your child with an eating disorder, please contact us at TherapyNowSF to book a free consultation.